Bloc Party - Sunday

(Need I say that I love this song to bits?)

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School of thought

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K :: Minnen MED konturer :: K

"But Im not breaking down
And Im not falling apart
I just lost a little faith
When you broke my heart
Given a chance
I might try it again
But I wouldnt risk it all this time.
Id save a little love for myself
Enough for my heart to mend
A little love for myself
One day I just might love again
One day I just might give all myself away"

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Ode to the Nice Girls

(This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped.)

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile. .

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a nobody than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just too hurt and still chained by his past; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone, or are too afraid to risk.

This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; who failed to see through the protective shield we have to wear, this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone.

I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your wonderful friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear...


Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find?
Because there in lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, who is willing to prove you how much you matter to them - and no one else!
Or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. See through the disguise. See me. You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the imperfections. You expect impossible perfection, during impossible times. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion, strength, hope, understanding and trust - things you never seem willing to express or even try.

Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the safe choice and the familiar... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug, hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race...

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Sunday afternoon in Uppsala

[Photographed by Alfie]

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This is so me, somehow..(babel dish tower, right Kiki? :P)

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K

I have come to the realization that, what is to proceed in this note, is a maddeningly heavy burden of choice.

Back then, you tried to hold back the tears, and kept thinking "Why did this happened to me?" ...remember? We all asks ourselves this question at some point in our lives. However, after a while, when the dust has settled, and you have shed every damn single tears you had inside, you have to let go. And that is exactly what I have been working on for the past 3 months.

...

Changes - What is greatly needed in my life. A new wardrobe perhaps. A new smile. A new me. All that's needed now. This is the change I need to make, to forget you, and move on with my life. I know I'll never mean anything. Just cement to fill small holes, you’ll paint over before you leave, holes that never let in much light anyway...Too much mind, heart, and soul has gone into fixing something that very obviously prefers to stay broken.

Look at me, how much I've changed. For better or for worse, unknown, its not the same. I can only dream of the day I decide: Will I be a caterpillar or a butterfly?

So goodnight my nothing, my former everything, my solace, my passion. Goodnight and perhaps I’ll dream of you again, but if fate is kind then I will not.

I would have stood before a storm for you, you know?

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This is for you Niclas! (warning: private joke)

God this is so funny, i could pee in my pants!

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Sizzles are forever

Becca & I being sizzly :)

Photographed by Alfie

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What's left of the rainbow

Once upon a time, and not so long ago, I owned a rainbow. Somehow, I let it slip out of my reach. All that was left behind were mere scattered fragments of the fallen rainbow. Now I'm slowly trying to put its pieces together, so that I can have that wonderful rainbow again.. and find some peace of mind. It's amazingly arduous. You have no idea.

I hope I'm getting somewhere.

Everything is not lost.





"Quase Sem Querer - Legião Urbana"
[This song brings back so many memories from my childhood!!! The lyrics speak for themselves. ]

Tenho andado distraído, impaciente e indeciso e ainda estou confuso. Só que agora é diferente:

Estou tão tranqüilo e tão contente.

Quantas chances desperdicei quando o que eu mais queria era provar pra todo o mundo que eu não precisava provar nada pra ninguém. Me fiz em mil pedaços pra você juntar e queria sempre achar explicação pro que eu sentia. Como um anjo caído fiz questão de esquecer que mentir pra si mesmo é sempre a pior mentira..

Mas não sou mais tão criança a ponto de saber tudo.

Já não me preocupo se eu não sei por quê ás vezes o que eu vejo quase ninguém vê.

E eu sei que você sabe quase sem querer que eu vejo o mesmo que você. Tão correto e tão bonito: O infinito é realmente um dos deuses mais lindos. Sei que às vezes uso palavras repetidas mas quais são as palavras que nunca são ditas?
Me disseram que você estava chorando e foi então que percebi como lhe quero tanto.
Já não me preocupo Se eu não sei por quê Às vezes o que eu vejo Quase ninguém vê

E eu sei que você sabe quase sem querer que eu quero o mesmo que você.

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YOU

Challenge me, dare me or even defy me, But do NOT underestimate me!

What goes around, comes around...

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