Breaking through life's cataclysms

Earlier today I was reading a friend's blog (http://blog.johanchristherschutz.net/), and came across this one specific post he wrote, which felt so familiar to me & to my own experiences, I wish I had written it myself. At some point in life, you have or will go through this following experience. The post is simple, painful, true & above all, very honest.

Here is a part of it:

"I believe that some things are meant to be. or - when I think about it - actually all things! we learn something from everyone we meet and all the experiences we have. every person leaves a mark in you, may it be tiny or infinitively large. the size of the mark is simply a blueprint of the person's importance to your heart.

But letting other people affect us also means we have to open our hearts for the experience, and for the possibility to change. Many people are afraid of that because opening your heart and letting someone in also means a risk to get hurt. But life is full of people we must meet and part from, some leave us unaffected and others..... change us forever.....


So.... what's the meaning with all this? why do we meet people if they're going anyway? maybe because it's all part of the teaching plan. there's something in it for us to learn. sometimes it takes 10 years before we understand what, then suddenly one day you see it in a different perspective, and ask yourself how you could have missed to see it earlier!"/J.C Schutz

"Because life only gives itself to the one who gives himself. To the one who loved, to the one who cried, to the one who suffered." Vinícius de Moraes

I find this post comforting. It carries hope and a certain easiness for the heart. There is no point in questioning things we can't control nor understand. These experiences are one of life's cataclysms..

As I commonly say : Everything in its right time, everything in its right place... Que será, será. Never fails.


'Nuff said.

New beginnings

During these young adult years, I count my years in university terms. My current reality is made up of homework, lectures, study stress (only realizing it now...), and yes..thinking in matter of "terms".
Every term is a new beginning. For me, this term to come, is one of those big beginnings. Saying goodbye to my past term, which came to mean so much to me. A lot of partying of course, living in a wonderful bubble of friends and good times with the people I met. So important to me....all of you. I am welcoming the new term to come with a half shy smile. I am positive, yet I know somehow that things wont be the same as before.

Everything in its right time, everything in its right place..

Becca @)-,--'-'--

She is my mirror, shining back at me with a world of possibilities. She is my witness, who sees me at my worst and best, and loves me anyway. She is my partner in crime, my midnight companion, someone who knows when I am smiling, even in the dark. She is my teacher, my shield, and even my shrink..

But above all she is my sister and best friend.

Brazil - São Paulo 070813 - ??

Good VS Evil

During the first half of this year I have at times, encountered myself in a battle with my good and my bad side. I have never done anything bad out of selfishness, til I put myself in situations where my morals were put to the test. And failed. The worse part is that I knew exactly what I was doing, although I felt an enormous guilt and bad karma building up.


The interesing thing is that I realized how complex human behaviour is. And although we are of the same species, some traits do differ. Some people live by their morals and never act out of selfishness, when others act in a complete opposite way. I stood in between. I realized that even good people can act out on shady behaviour. I am not in any way implying that that is an excuse! It is obviously wrong to hurt other people's feelings in order to get our own satisfaction.

On the other hand, I have a hard time believing people are either good or bad. Human nature depicts the complete opposite. Our primarily drive is to be selfish.
I myself know that I am a social animal with different levels of weaknesses and strengths.

Is acting upon our own selfishness in certain situations a lack of character, or is it possible that the very behaviour can be explained by psychology or even biology? How much does environment and genetics play a part in our behaviour?
Somehow, "lack of character" doesn't satisfy me as an answer..

I think that what differs us from eachother is that some of us are more prone than others to control ourselves in doing things we know are wrong. But why is that? I honestly don't understand where all of that impulse of mine came from. I know I am usually very rational, but honestly, some people simply bring that side of us out.
Although we do have morals, we are still animals. Intelligent, but nonetheless animals. We tend to forget that sometimes.

On another note, Freud argued that Man is not responsible for his actions. He is a victim of other people in society. He battles the past and hurtful experiences in childhood.

Skinner believed that Man is just an animal. He is conditioned to act the way he does. He is a product of his environment and not responsible for his behavior.

And lastly, Carl Rogers believed that Man is not a sinner, he is essentially good, he has all the resources he needs within himself to solve his own problems.

It beats me...!

Ps I think I have been missunderstood by my post. The theories above have merely been mentioned to describe the different approaches there are to defining the good and the bad within people. I personally do not defend any of these theories. Moreover, harmful behaviour is yet to get away with murder.

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FLOGSTA 7:7

It's done. After 2 years and a half I have left Flogsta. I admit I shed a tear the morning I left. The room was empty and It echoed. Memories, memories.... So wrong to leave somehow!
A new chapter begins.. I'm sad, yet excited about what's to come ahead.

Careful with the evil elevator of Flogsta..

This video is for the brazilian public! A brazilian woman trying to say www.youtube.com.br. Hahahahah, I love brazilians trying to speak english..ADORABLE!

vlado vlado vlado iu tubi ponto conto!

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Being John Malkovich

I am a big fan of John Malkovich, so when i stumbled upon this story I felt like I had to post it. So here it goes:

"On the way back from an assignment i saw some "outside paparazzi" happily papping, as it were, Leslie Bibb. Who's Leslie Bibb? exactly.

So ... the outside people are nice for the most part. They don't fuck with me. Had a cigarette with a couple of them.

In the midst of the smoke they took off and started papping the fuck out of some dude. I had no idea who it was.

Anyway ... since this dude was walking in the direction of "wireimage camp central," i decided to follow him. I walked up to him -- holding my leica -- and said, "I know you hate motherfuckers like me."

"What kind of motherfucker are you?"

It was mr. Malkovich. To this date i had no b/w on him so i asked, "May i make a frame?" He stopped. He grinned. I made a frame.

he said, "you can make another." - To which i replied, "i only needed one." At this point he said, "i really appreciate the way you approached me, what's your name?"

We then walked down main street and talked about films and cameras, and he asked where he can see my work. 'Twas really fucking cool.

leica mp. 75/2.0 APO-Summicron ASPH. 1/30th at f/2.8. ilford delta 400 (plus +1 at 800)

NOPE ... NOT A DIGITAL IMAGE."

Today I spent the day packing up in my room in Flogsta*snif snif*, and so far this is how it looks (from a crappy quality webcam)...





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Metade

Metade

Oswaldo Montenegro

Que a força do medo que tenho não me impeça de ver o que anseio.
Que a morte de tudo em que acredito não me tape os ouvidos e a boca.

Pois metade de mim é o que eu grito mas a outra metade é silêncio.
Porque metade de mim é partida mas a outra metade é saudade.

Que essa minha vontade de ir embora se transforme na calma e na paz que eu mereço. Que essa tensão que me corrói por dentro seja um dia recompensada.

Porque metade de mim é o que penso e a outra metade um vulcão.

Que o medo da solidão se afaste que o convívio comigo mesmo se torne ao menos suportável .Que o espelho reflita em meu rosto um doce sorriso
que me lembro ter dado na infância.

Porque metade de mim é a lembrança do que fui e a outra metade não sei.

Que não seja preciso mais que uma simples alegria pra me fazer aquietar o espírito e que o teu silêncio me fale cada vez mais.

E que a minha loucura seja perdoada porque metade de mim é amor e a outra metade também...

One moment

Did you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lifes or if the moments in our lifes make us? If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an intirely diferent path or would you choose one thing?

Just one moment. One moment that you always wanted back...

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Bloc Party - Waiting for the 7.18

Magical..

Give me moments
Just give me moments
Not hours or days
Just give me moments

If I could do it again
I'd make more mistakes
I'd not be so scared of falling

Just give me moments...

Home is where the heart is

Flogsta live @ 3:30am from my room

Home is where the heart is. Indeed. For two years and a half, Flogsta has been exactly that for me, but even more so for this last year between 2006-2007.

Now that everybody is gone, everything has changed. Flogsta is empty, lonely and lifeless. Only a few Ten o clock screams here and there. Feels like Flogsta is suffering from an after glow.......The exchange students really are the spirit of this place. I miss them!

It's funny how the people we live with make all the difference to how "homie" places makes us feel. Now that some of the most important people on my life are back in their countries, I suddenly feel homeless. Everything that I knew - the routine, the security & the habits are gone. Thus, making this transition to the new, very hard. A step back into reality? No, every day of these past 10 months have been real. This was not an illusional dream world to me. Far from it.

Sometimes I get small panic & abstinence attacks. What's next? What now?
There is no such thing as a smooth transition. It really does take time to adjust to the new - I am moving away from Flogsta and from everything I know. I will go through different stages of annoyance, irritation, sadness, nostalgi & frustration..until I can embrace the will be's and let go of the has been's.

One thing I am sure of though, this is the right time to move - my friends have gone, so things will never be the same again. It's time to let the new in and embrace the new experiences. Nothing will ever beat this past year. Actually, not even close. But that's life.....

Now it's soon time to say my farewells. I am homeless now, but I know it's only temporary. Soon I will be back on track, but I do need this time to mourn and celebrate all that has happened during these last crazy, unstable, wonderful, complicated, eventful 10 months.

Moving back home for a few months, studying in Stockholm, finding an apartment in Uppsala..So many plans. But plans, they always change, and that's the beauty of life - it never turns out the way we expect it to be. And that is what keeps life overwhelmingly exciting.



I've been blessed with a wave of luck this year. Life-changing situations, personal growth, I met wonderful people, made friends for life (a great group indeed), I felt love of different sorts and so on.. On the other hand, I've hurt people I cared for, I did things I never imagined I'd do, got myself into awkward situations, felt strange sorts of jealousy, but I learnt...a lot. And I still have a smile on my face.


Flogsta, you will be missed, but specially my friends, who made this place feel like home.

I wish we had one more year together....but I'll be back - with Jojo, Lolo, Josy & Dani from the group... And to the rest of our exchange friends - you're always welcome back to visit us! =)

ps Lolo, it's you and me this fall...31st of August is the nation premiere! I am longing so much! You know what that means.... you and me and lotsa bottles of white wine and champagne, mon chérie!!!!! (AJ please come too if you can!!) And everybody else of course....!



Letting go of the rainbow, little by little...(but just a little)

You can take the girl away from Uppsala, but you can't take Uppsala away from the girl!

SAUDADES!

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"Oh long John..Why I eyes ya...?"

Pure poetry....I tell ya!

This song will always carry a special meaning

"Open Your Eyes"

All this feels strange and
untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin
feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in
my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open
your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll
open your eyes

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your
fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

All this feels strange and
untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

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"Wonderwall by Ryan Adams" - cover
Beautiful.

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

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Mes chéris

Missing my main crew like crazy. I miss the daily fika, the occasional film, the late nights after the nations, the msn sessions, the drunk moments, the cooking together & the closeness.

It's amazing how certain people become so important to us in such a short period of time. I can't wait to meet all of them in France this summer. It's going to be awesome, and very nostalgic. I am counting the days..

I LOVE YOU!!!

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Through the haze

[Warning: This late night blabber may not make any sense to a number of readers. You've been warned.]

Emotional short circuit. Familiar, yet it brings me an uneasiness I can't quite describe. An uneasiness which reminds me that when it happens, I have to step back and think things over, digest, recharge, re-think - Time-out...

God, that word haunts me. Time-out. It has been present in my life in the past, but in a total different situation, which wasn't necesseraly handled with the most grace I've presenced. So let me tell you how to handle a "time-out", without the drama & the freak out, the best way I can.

Don't we all have those moments, when we are put in the spotlight, when we have to listen to our so called gut feeling, the moment we have to take action, where we have to try to maintain a sort of stability in the instability itself. However, the only reaction we can get out are those pathetic little sounds and movements the mouth is trying to shape, making us sound like complete retards but nothing, nothing comes out. No words, no nothing which can lead us forward. Paralysis kicks in.

Emotional short circuit.

This very occurrence has taught me that it doesn't necessarily have to carry a negative tone. The very contrary, it means that in the very moment when we become emotionally handicapped, that is when every sound we tried to evoke begins to shape into logical words. Maybe not right away, but the very action of stepping back and re-evaluating a situation means that everything that we are & our beliefs is put to the test. That is when personal growth comes into the picture - when we know exactly what to do about a certain situation. Because let's be honest, we are only human.
And it may be terribly selfish to step back and let the other person hang on every word we say, awaiting for a reaction, awaiting for a sign. Through pain comes growth. By doing things in it's right time and place, is the only ultimate solution, if you don't want to regreat your decisions.

OBS! As long as you DO NOT step all over the other person's hearts, walking away with silence thinking that that is an appropriate and satisfactory answer in itself, (because you know yourself you wouldn't want someone to treat you the very same way, now would you?)

Many people decide in the heat of a moment - during a fight, during that evening they listened to that terribly depressive song which made them write that overly dramatic letter which they regreated the minute they pressed "send", or by those moments where people simply give up without thinking it through, because of pride, fear of stepping out of their secure bubble of the familiar, insecurity - you name it. In the end, we are all people coming from different places. We are all mysterious to eachother, in the end of the day. We will never quite grasp the very essence of the other's soul. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a game, where the rolling dice decide our so called "destiny". There is only so much we can control.

I know where I stand, I know my morals and capabilities and I do know myself enough. But sometimes, when we are put in unfamiliar situations, all is questioned. Over and over and over again. Story of our lives, isn't it?

My very essence is untouched. I do have my own philosophy, just like you. I am a good person with good intentions, but I do know I am not flawless and that I may be wrong in my way of handling things. I know that very well.

Sometimes the philosophy we carry with ourselves has to be prepared and flexible for unexpected change. It's the only way to apply it to the life that is happening right in front of us (if you want to make sense of things). If you can't make it flexible and challenge it constantly, if you can't accept that sometimes your very philosophy may not be flawless and perfect, THEN! you missed out on the whole point..

However, sometimes I can't apply it to real life. Maybe because I wasn't in the right state of mind, maybe because I wasn't present enough in the first place in order to take action, or maybe because it wasn't the right person in the first place. I need to be fully present (and i don't mean physically), in order to live up to my philosophy - to take risks, go out of my own way for another person, regreat nothing, challenge, live and love to the point of ridiculousness.....

With the right person, I can be the best I'll ever be. If that person let's my heart express itself, I can make the impossible possible, and I can move out of my way to make it work - wether they live close or far, wether they are scared..and so much more I couldn't possibly put into words. With the right person, I can express myself, i am no longer limited. I see no obstacles, and I'd do everything in my power to make it work, no matter how difficult it would turn out to be, because I strongly believe that people in general give in before trying, settling for the safe choice and just letting things fade into the past, as memories, without letting it possibly become a hell of an experience. Cuz we never know...we never know how it could have turned out, if we had risked a little more..

Right now, I need to step back and recharge my batteries, in order to know what to do next. I need my gut feeling to work, and the only way it will ever make itself heard, is to give it some time, by stepping out of the fog, and into perspectiveness.

I am far from perfect, but seldom do I give in that fast without putting up a fight. Let us just see that there is enough there to fight for, otherwise...what is the point, if not chase those moments we longingly strive for, and more importantly, for the right person? If they are the right ones our hearts are aiming for, time will tell.

I do know how far I can go for someone, I do know my limits, but I'd rather see possibilities instead. I ask "why not?" instead of "why?"

On the other hand, we have to accept that, even though we may listen to our gut feeling, it all comes down to the choices we have to make. We will never really know if it was 100% the right decision. We just hope that when a door closes, another one opens - and that is exactly the beauty this life has to give us. Things always turn out differently from what we initially expected. We really dont have complete control of our future. Isn't it ironic. It may be a "role the dice" game, afterall. Maybe it does come down to that.

What will be will be, and hopefully we don't regreat, hopefully we don't become bitter. Hopefully we look back at the experience and say: At least I lived, at least I tried and got moments to remember when I'm old and cranky. But above all, that I tried my best with what I had, at that very moment in my life - wether it was a failure, or a success story. Such is life.

I don't believe that hearts break - we underestimate it far too much! I believe they are temporarely under shortcircuit. If there is one thing I know for sure, is that it may be a very fragile "organ", but It has more healing powers than we are aware of. It can always mend, you just have to put your faith in it. I am a living proof of that. I am not broken, simply undergoing a highly necessary technical maintenance - As we all presence a few times in our lifetime. It's unavoidable.

With love,

Miss heart-under-construction, in order to improve future service.

"It's just the currents of life changing direction again..."

ps Highly pretentious post, but life is pretentious sometimes. And you know what? Sometimes pretension makes sense, because during those rare times, it does reflect life exactly as it is.Over and out!



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Transitions

Flogsta sunset

These past 2 weeks have been incredibly surreal..

Emotional rollercoaster, sadness, unwanted farewell, tears, changes, evolving, devotion, laughter, party, 22pm scream @ Flogsta, BBQ, friends for life, Josef, Danielle, Thibo, Christoph, AJ, Lolo, Johanna, skivstång with Lolo, spanky guy, flyers, discussions, arguments, bonding, caring, jokes, baking, cooking at 3am, biking in the pouring rain with the 3 mosketeers, cockchef, tvättstugan, photography, habibi store, intensity, corridor, sunset, sunrise, Värmlands, Snerikes Bryggan & Sthlms nations, Love don't let me go, Relax take it easy, Put your hands up for Detroit, "Vous êtes en c***, vive Lyon!", Uppsala, smiles, fika, union, party crew, standing ovation, credit cards in the toilet water at Sthlms nation, Australian guy aka STD dude, burnt chicken, smoke machine, cheap champagne, rose d'anjou, candle showers, massage, oil, exchange students, connection, DJ K, waterpipe, Valborg, champagne galopp, sex discussions during breakfast, lunch and dinner, corridor parties, eyes & looks, ICA, pictures (drunken pictures mostly), Grey's anatomy, insomnia, 3hr queue @ Snerikes tentafest, facebook, drama, A.A, pranks, corridor mascot, alcohol, unstableness, jealousy, "I am coming in your room..", "I'm just kidding!!!", "Not everything is black and white", " I am going to take a shower", honey yoghurt, black olives and feta cheese, quiche Laurent, Maguine, games people play, MSN, alarm clock, vampire lifestyle, warmth, giant babel tower feelings, torture, life changing, boulet, Flogsta 7:7, 6:6, 2:2, 2:4, gossip, minor fights, nostalgic, anguish, melancholic, sad, amazing, bittersweet, heart-breaking, memorable, departure...life - and more tears.

Don't want to deal with this. I know I am not alone in feeling this way..but it's still tough. What a year it has been...It's going to take a while to make the transition.

Everything is not lost, but it surely feels like I'm standing on quicksand.

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My Heritage

Christina Ricci - seriously?

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LOVES IT!!

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Bloc Party - Sunday

(Need I say that I love this song to bits?)

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School of thought

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K :: Minnen MED konturer :: K

"But Im not breaking down
And Im not falling apart
I just lost a little faith
When you broke my heart
Given a chance
I might try it again
But I wouldnt risk it all this time.
Id save a little love for myself
Enough for my heart to mend
A little love for myself
One day I just might love again
One day I just might give all myself away"

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Ode to the Nice Girls

(This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped.)

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile. .

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a nobody than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just too hurt and still chained by his past; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone, or are too afraid to risk.

This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; who failed to see through the protective shield we have to wear, this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone.

I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your wonderful friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear...


Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find?
Because there in lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, who is willing to prove you how much you matter to them - and no one else!
Or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. See through the disguise. See me. You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the imperfections. You expect impossible perfection, during impossible times. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion, strength, hope, understanding and trust - things you never seem willing to express or even try.

Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the safe choice and the familiar... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug, hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race...

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Sunday afternoon in Uppsala

[Photographed by Alfie]

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This is so me, somehow..(babel dish tower, right Kiki? :P)

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K

I have come to the realization that, what is to proceed in this note, is a maddeningly heavy burden of choice.

Back then, you tried to hold back the tears, and kept thinking "Why did this happened to me?" ...remember? We all asks ourselves this question at some point in our lives. However, after a while, when the dust has settled, and you have shed every damn single tears you had inside, you have to let go. And that is exactly what I have been working on for the past 3 months.

...

Changes - What is greatly needed in my life. A new wardrobe perhaps. A new smile. A new me. All that's needed now. This is the change I need to make, to forget you, and move on with my life. I know I'll never mean anything. Just cement to fill small holes, you’ll paint over before you leave, holes that never let in much light anyway...Too much mind, heart, and soul has gone into fixing something that very obviously prefers to stay broken.

Look at me, how much I've changed. For better or for worse, unknown, its not the same. I can only dream of the day I decide: Will I be a caterpillar or a butterfly?

So goodnight my nothing, my former everything, my solace, my passion. Goodnight and perhaps I’ll dream of you again, but if fate is kind then I will not.

I would have stood before a storm for you, you know?

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This is for you Niclas! (warning: private joke)

God this is so funny, i could pee in my pants!

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Sizzles are forever

Becca & I being sizzly :)

Photographed by Alfie

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What's left of the rainbow

Once upon a time, and not so long ago, I owned a rainbow. Somehow, I let it slip out of my reach. All that was left behind were mere scattered fragments of the fallen rainbow. Now I'm slowly trying to put its pieces together, so that I can have that wonderful rainbow again.. and find some peace of mind. It's amazingly arduous. You have no idea.

I hope I'm getting somewhere.

Everything is not lost.





"Quase Sem Querer - Legião Urbana"
[This song brings back so many memories from my childhood!!! The lyrics speak for themselves. ]

Tenho andado distraído, impaciente e indeciso e ainda estou confuso. Só que agora é diferente:

Estou tão tranqüilo e tão contente.

Quantas chances desperdicei quando o que eu mais queria era provar pra todo o mundo que eu não precisava provar nada pra ninguém. Me fiz em mil pedaços pra você juntar e queria sempre achar explicação pro que eu sentia. Como um anjo caído fiz questão de esquecer que mentir pra si mesmo é sempre a pior mentira..

Mas não sou mais tão criança a ponto de saber tudo.

Já não me preocupo se eu não sei por quê ás vezes o que eu vejo quase ninguém vê.

E eu sei que você sabe quase sem querer que eu vejo o mesmo que você. Tão correto e tão bonito: O infinito é realmente um dos deuses mais lindos. Sei que às vezes uso palavras repetidas mas quais são as palavras que nunca são ditas?
Me disseram que você estava chorando e foi então que percebi como lhe quero tanto.
Já não me preocupo Se eu não sei por quê Às vezes o que eu vejo Quase ninguém vê

E eu sei que você sabe quase sem querer que eu quero o mesmo que você.

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YOU

Challenge me, dare me or even defy me, But do NOT underestimate me!

What goes around, comes around...

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