Part deux

I am not the kind of person who tries to ignore what I feel. Feelings need to get out, be shaped and molded in order to be understood. It is scary and an uneasy feeling to expose your inner most self to someone. I feel like running away every time I have to do that, but if I want someone to see me for who I am - I am here, with open heart.

Unfortunately, most people I have met, live behind fear, and take the easy road out just to avoid the pain. Just remember, happiness always has a price. There is no absolute perfection in life and nothing certainly comes for free. Every time we want something, it will always be followed by some sort of complication, some kind of problem. The difference is to try to see it as a challenge, not as an unfortunate and doomed cause. This is my ideology.

Nothing comes for free without a little fight - and how boring life would be without a bit of challenge!!

It frustrates me that most people I have met, have failed to endure challenges and end up giving up, just like that.

Tired of hearing sweet words and no action. Everything is so romantic and simple in the beginning. When reality comes along and feelings begin to grow, they run away. They all do.............especially the good ones.

Sweet words are easy to say, but where is a strong character when it is needed? Where is the person behind those words? Where did he go?

Si les mots sont la voix du cœur. Ou est ton coeur?

No more wallflower

La peur m'a toujours guidée à ce que je veux. Et parce que je veux, me fais peur.

Souvent c'est la peur qui me prendre par la main et me conduit. La peur me conduit au danger. Et tout ce que j'aime est risqué.

Greece confirmed! (✓)

Uppsala 2008 reunion with my beloved and INSANELY missed malakas @ Greece

♥ August 19-29 ♥

Psiksiii, γάτα is coming!!!!

"Les temps sont durs pour les reveurs."

The process of getting to know someone (romantically speaking) and dealing with the feelings that are developing right in front of you is an art hard to master.

I can honestly say I am not an easy person to deal with when found in such a situation.

I am in constant conflict with logic and feelings. I go left, I go right. I jump into it in a split second, and I run away as fast as I can. All of this, all at once.

No, i am no easy match. In truth, I do not always understand my sudden reactions either.

First and foremost, my main concern is to manage to balance the excess impulse of my nature. Part of me wants to express what I really feel and go for it. The other side of me is less of a Juliet - I can be as brutal as an elephant and become cold towards the person. This usually happens when I realize i've become very consumed by feelings towards them. It is an uneasy feeling when you dont know where you stand with the person you like, and what they really mean to you. This is a common protective-of-self behaviour.

Trying to let go of past ghosts and adopt a healthier attitude towards love is a slow process, but not hopeless. I am trying.

Less Juliet, more Margit.

Now I know why I became so deeply impacted by my former relation:

It is not the fall that killed me. It was the sudden stop.

And there you have it. Loud and clear.

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Right now, it's hard for me to maintain a strong shield against the things that are coming at me..."

Infatuation blinds us..and our past experiences leave scars to remind us of them. Once you heal from the wounds, and somehow try to open your heart again..how do you differ illusion from reality? (its just too easy to fall in familiar traps again, you know?)

Unighted @ Paris Juillet 2009 - I was there!!!!!!!!!!! And the clip below, is my personal favorite moment of that ENTIRE evening. Simply because Armin made it all the better.

As i went to the concert alone, i was lucky to meet random brazilians (!) right in front of me at the bar queue. Oh, la chance :) Hope i will be as lucky this year!

5 months countdown to the next Unighted 2010!

See you there!

Let's make a deal:

I'll lick your wounds, if you lick mine?

Easy, tiger!

* Picture taken by renowned photographer Anne Leibovitz

Even though my blog is aimed to stick to my own personal issues, from time to time I feel the need to vent out on completely incoherent topics.


Today I need to express my somewhat hatred towards media in general. I guess I can blame my media & communication course for introducing me to the bizarre psychology behind consumer behaviour. How much more aware one becomes by in-depth information!

One of our weekly seminars were about the media fuss surrounding the Tiger Woods scandal, as he, in a matter of days, went from glorified hero to well, scum of society - i.e human (after all).

One of the things that creates an uneasy irritation in my core, is the fact that the public can be so hypocritical. One minute they love you and higher you to a glorified thrown, and the other, throw stones at you as if you have deceived a family member in an unthinkable manner.

Why is it that people glorify celebrities? They are human after all. Obviously their lifestyle differs in comparison to ours, but still. No marriage is a constant blissful walk in the park. Nobody is perfect. He just happens to have more temptation begging for attention at every move he makes, compared to us commoners. Plus, even though we aren't famous, we too have committed pretty ugly acts on loved ones. It is simply not broadcasted nor handed to a feast of tasteless media magazines. Hypocrits!

Why can't he simply be seen as what he is: An outstanding prodigy & a sportsman of untangible skills. His personal life shouldn't be expected to be a picture perfect scenario off a Disney flic. Why can't people separate these two? Heck, we all have bones in our closets - wether they are the walk-in million dollar closets out of MTV "Cribs", to the the budget IKEA models.

I can understand the fact that celebrity adoration is due to the need to allow us to switch off from our mundain and less than glamorous routined lifes. I get all that! However, to expect perfection out of a celebrated person is downright outrageous. And don't get me started on the "role model" responsability. No wonder so many famous people can't handle this sort of pressure.

Tiger Woods should be let alone to clean his act up. Treat him as a sportsman, nothing less, nothing more.

Yes, this is an utopian wishful thinking! But one can always wish the media/public to at least, become less hypocritical and go a little easy on the brutal headlines.

Insincere glorification isn't becoming.

"Mon âme conteste
Ma peau proteste
Moi j'rêve de maintenant
Car je suis une enfant
Je tourne le dos au temps
Cheveux et jupe au
vent - Une enfant"

- Carla Bruni

Brazil - blissful days in the sun

<3

Very good article written by a friend. I guess i can relate to this...Altho all so very true; i think its a natural part of the process of being dumped to be mad/dramatic. A momentary state of delusion is part of the emotional detox. So come on, give a girl time to lick her wounds.

"Le guide de la nana larguée : éviter le syndrôme "tous des salops"

Et voila.

Le célibat. Après ces mois, voir années de bonheur avec chouchou/lapin/chéri/loulou, cet ours mal embouché s'est cru permis de quitter votre vie sentimentale, souvent brutalement, parfois avec fracas, plus rarement avec douceur, et trop rarement avec classe.

Là, c'est le drame. Rien ne va plus.

Votre premier réflexe, et aussi le plus mauvais, est de le diaboliser. "Quel connard!" "C'était vraiment le dernier des idiots!" "Pourquoi je me suis laissée avoir!"
Ce discours et cette manière de pensée sera quasi automatique. Si je voulais faire râler, je dirai que c'est parce qu'il est plus facile de blâmer l'autre que de se remettre en question, mais ce n'est pas le sujet.

Première chose à faire donc, arrêter ce mode de pensée nocif. Nocif, car il entretient des émotions négatives, au lieu de les évacuer pour laisser la place à autre chose.
Comment faire?
Tout simplement, rappellez vous que vous ne vous êtes pas faite avoir. Si vous êtes sortie avec ce mec, c'est que vous l'avez voulu. Et comme vous n'êtes pas masochiste (ou alors ce n'est pas le sujet) ce mec devait bien avoir quelque chose. Il vous apportait quelque chose, et cela vous a certainement valu de bons moments, voir de très bons moments. En y repensant, est ce que c'est vraiment juste de le diaboliser comme ça?

Voila. Maintenant que vous avez réalisé que lui jetter la pierre comme ça est stupide, vous allez pouvoir passer à autre chose.
Seulement, Ce sont pricipalement les émotions qui vous gouvernent à ce moment là. Il est probable donc que vous n'ayez pas endigué le feu assez tôt.
Les petits détails sont venus nourrir ce ressentiment mesquin ("a ce moment là, il m'a même pas regardé alors que je disais un truc super important!") et ça y est, ce n'est plus seulement votre ex, mais tout les mecs en général qui sont promus au rang de cons.

Suite à cette rupture, vous irez boire un verre avec votre meilleure copine en vous morfondant, tandis que celle ci vous confortera dans votre délire ou vous racontera diverses histoires qui ne feront que confirmer votre tendance à developper ce que nous allons appeller le syndrome "tous des salops"

-"Mais c'est vrai! pourra m'opposer une jeune fille blessée, j'ai plein d'histoires de mecs qui trompent leur nanas ou qui les larguent méchament dans mon entourrage!"

Et au fond, peut on le nier? Mais les choses ne sont pas aussi simples.
Posez vous cette simple question: n'avez vous aucune histoire de fille qui a trompé son mec ou encore l'a largué un peu salement? Peut être même une de vos copines est dans ce cas? Peut être même vous?
Bien entendu, vous pourrez peut être trouver des excuses à cette fille/cette copine/vous, puisque vous avez connaissance de plus de données, et que l'empathie est présente entre membres du même sexe. Mais que faire alors? Toutes des salopes aussi?

La vrai réponse n'est pas là. La réponse c'est "tous des êtres humains". La vie ne se divise pas entre gentil et méchants. Tout le monde peut être amené à faire quelque chose de mal à un moment ou un autre de sa vie.
Ne devenez pas ces filles blasées qui n'ont que des mots d'invective à la bouche des mecs. Il n'y a rien de moins sexy que ça, à part peut être une moustache bien fournie. Si vous ne pouvez vraiment pas vous retenir, faites le avec dérision, là c'est agréable.

Oubliez toutes ces pensées négatives, et ressourcez vous. Faites ce que vous aimez, programmez votre vie en fonction de vos seules envies et plus en fonction de quelqu'un d'autre. Volez des ailes de la liberté, il sera toujours temps de revenir sur terre quand quelque chose en vaudra la peine."

"Feel this body, its filled with heat. The sensation of what flows from here is incredible and irregular.
If there will ever be someone to tame this beast, it shall be forever bound to its force eternally.
And so its energy goes on with the atitude it came with, and shall never end."  

The past seems to refuse to die in me +

As im about to walk into a past long before he came along, im going with mixed feelings. Masochistic? Or maybe this time, the roles will change. Ready or not, its the territory i badly need to return to. Not sure what ill find there. People from the past, each street a memory...each body, each loving eyes starring back at me...Maybe in that moment ill forget you for a while.

Uncertain of which Gitx will manifest itself. Certainly a more mature version of me....but hungry...hungry as ever.

I smile, i joke..but i cry inside. I really do.
Just write that damn letter, Margit
(How could a + turn into a -?)