Careful with the evil elevator of Flogsta..

This video is for the brazilian public! A brazilian woman trying to say www.youtube.com.br. Hahahahah, I love brazilians trying to speak english..ADORABLE!

vlado vlado vlado iu tubi ponto conto!

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Being John Malkovich

I am a big fan of John Malkovich, so when i stumbled upon this story I felt like I had to post it. So here it goes:

"On the way back from an assignment i saw some "outside paparazzi" happily papping, as it were, Leslie Bibb. Who's Leslie Bibb? exactly.

So ... the outside people are nice for the most part. They don't fuck with me. Had a cigarette with a couple of them.

In the midst of the smoke they took off and started papping the fuck out of some dude. I had no idea who it was.

Anyway ... since this dude was walking in the direction of "wireimage camp central," i decided to follow him. I walked up to him -- holding my leica -- and said, "I know you hate motherfuckers like me."

"What kind of motherfucker are you?"

It was mr. Malkovich. To this date i had no b/w on him so i asked, "May i make a frame?" He stopped. He grinned. I made a frame.

he said, "you can make another." - To which i replied, "i only needed one." At this point he said, "i really appreciate the way you approached me, what's your name?"

We then walked down main street and talked about films and cameras, and he asked where he can see my work. 'Twas really fucking cool.

leica mp. 75/2.0 APO-Summicron ASPH. 1/30th at f/2.8. ilford delta 400 (plus +1 at 800)

NOPE ... NOT A DIGITAL IMAGE."

Today I spent the day packing up in my room in Flogsta*snif snif*, and so far this is how it looks (from a crappy quality webcam)...





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Metade

Metade

Oswaldo Montenegro

Que a força do medo que tenho não me impeça de ver o que anseio.
Que a morte de tudo em que acredito não me tape os ouvidos e a boca.

Pois metade de mim é o que eu grito mas a outra metade é silêncio.
Porque metade de mim é partida mas a outra metade é saudade.

Que essa minha vontade de ir embora se transforme na calma e na paz que eu mereço. Que essa tensão que me corrói por dentro seja um dia recompensada.

Porque metade de mim é o que penso e a outra metade um vulcão.

Que o medo da solidão se afaste que o convívio comigo mesmo se torne ao menos suportável .Que o espelho reflita em meu rosto um doce sorriso
que me lembro ter dado na infância.

Porque metade de mim é a lembrança do que fui e a outra metade não sei.

Que não seja preciso mais que uma simples alegria pra me fazer aquietar o espírito e que o teu silêncio me fale cada vez mais.

E que a minha loucura seja perdoada porque metade de mim é amor e a outra metade também...

One moment

Did you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lifes or if the moments in our lifes make us? If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an intirely diferent path or would you choose one thing?

Just one moment. One moment that you always wanted back...

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Bloc Party - Waiting for the 7.18

Magical..

Give me moments
Just give me moments
Not hours or days
Just give me moments

If I could do it again
I'd make more mistakes
I'd not be so scared of falling

Just give me moments...

Home is where the heart is

Flogsta live @ 3:30am from my room

Home is where the heart is. Indeed. For two years and a half, Flogsta has been exactly that for me, but even more so for this last year between 2006-2007.

Now that everybody is gone, everything has changed. Flogsta is empty, lonely and lifeless. Only a few Ten o clock screams here and there. Feels like Flogsta is suffering from an after glow.......The exchange students really are the spirit of this place. I miss them!

It's funny how the people we live with make all the difference to how "homie" places makes us feel. Now that some of the most important people on my life are back in their countries, I suddenly feel homeless. Everything that I knew - the routine, the security & the habits are gone. Thus, making this transition to the new, very hard. A step back into reality? No, every day of these past 10 months have been real. This was not an illusional dream world to me. Far from it.

Sometimes I get small panic & abstinence attacks. What's next? What now?
There is no such thing as a smooth transition. It really does take time to adjust to the new - I am moving away from Flogsta and from everything I know. I will go through different stages of annoyance, irritation, sadness, nostalgi & frustration..until I can embrace the will be's and let go of the has been's.

One thing I am sure of though, this is the right time to move - my friends have gone, so things will never be the same again. It's time to let the new in and embrace the new experiences. Nothing will ever beat this past year. Actually, not even close. But that's life.....

Now it's soon time to say my farewells. I am homeless now, but I know it's only temporary. Soon I will be back on track, but I do need this time to mourn and celebrate all that has happened during these last crazy, unstable, wonderful, complicated, eventful 10 months.

Moving back home for a few months, studying in Stockholm, finding an apartment in Uppsala..So many plans. But plans, they always change, and that's the beauty of life - it never turns out the way we expect it to be. And that is what keeps life overwhelmingly exciting.



I've been blessed with a wave of luck this year. Life-changing situations, personal growth, I met wonderful people, made friends for life (a great group indeed), I felt love of different sorts and so on.. On the other hand, I've hurt people I cared for, I did things I never imagined I'd do, got myself into awkward situations, felt strange sorts of jealousy, but I learnt...a lot. And I still have a smile on my face.


Flogsta, you will be missed, but specially my friends, who made this place feel like home.

I wish we had one more year together....but I'll be back - with Jojo, Lolo, Josy & Dani from the group... And to the rest of our exchange friends - you're always welcome back to visit us! =)

ps Lolo, it's you and me this fall...31st of August is the nation premiere! I am longing so much! You know what that means.... you and me and lotsa bottles of white wine and champagne, mon chérie!!!!! (AJ please come too if you can!!) And everybody else of course....!



Letting go of the rainbow, little by little...(but just a little)

You can take the girl away from Uppsala, but you can't take Uppsala away from the girl!

SAUDADES!

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"Oh long John..Why I eyes ya...?"

Pure poetry....I tell ya!

This song will always carry a special meaning

"Open Your Eyes"

All this feels strange and
untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin
feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in
my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open
your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll
open your eyes

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your
fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

All this feels strange and
untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

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"Wonderwall by Ryan Adams" - cover
Beautiful.

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

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Mes chéris

Missing my main crew like crazy. I miss the daily fika, the occasional film, the late nights after the nations, the msn sessions, the drunk moments, the cooking together & the closeness.

It's amazing how certain people become so important to us in such a short period of time. I can't wait to meet all of them in France this summer. It's going to be awesome, and very nostalgic. I am counting the days..

I LOVE YOU!!!

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Through the haze

[Warning: This late night blabber may not make any sense to a number of readers. You've been warned.]

Emotional short circuit. Familiar, yet it brings me an uneasiness I can't quite describe. An uneasiness which reminds me that when it happens, I have to step back and think things over, digest, recharge, re-think - Time-out...

God, that word haunts me. Time-out. It has been present in my life in the past, but in a total different situation, which wasn't necesseraly handled with the most grace I've presenced. So let me tell you how to handle a "time-out", without the drama & the freak out, the best way I can.

Don't we all have those moments, when we are put in the spotlight, when we have to listen to our so called gut feeling, the moment we have to take action, where we have to try to maintain a sort of stability in the instability itself. However, the only reaction we can get out are those pathetic little sounds and movements the mouth is trying to shape, making us sound like complete retards but nothing, nothing comes out. No words, no nothing which can lead us forward. Paralysis kicks in.

Emotional short circuit.

This very occurrence has taught me that it doesn't necessarily have to carry a negative tone. The very contrary, it means that in the very moment when we become emotionally handicapped, that is when every sound we tried to evoke begins to shape into logical words. Maybe not right away, but the very action of stepping back and re-evaluating a situation means that everything that we are & our beliefs is put to the test. That is when personal growth comes into the picture - when we know exactly what to do about a certain situation. Because let's be honest, we are only human.
And it may be terribly selfish to step back and let the other person hang on every word we say, awaiting for a reaction, awaiting for a sign. Through pain comes growth. By doing things in it's right time and place, is the only ultimate solution, if you don't want to regreat your decisions.

OBS! As long as you DO NOT step all over the other person's hearts, walking away with silence thinking that that is an appropriate and satisfactory answer in itself, (because you know yourself you wouldn't want someone to treat you the very same way, now would you?)

Many people decide in the heat of a moment - during a fight, during that evening they listened to that terribly depressive song which made them write that overly dramatic letter which they regreated the minute they pressed "send", or by those moments where people simply give up without thinking it through, because of pride, fear of stepping out of their secure bubble of the familiar, insecurity - you name it. In the end, we are all people coming from different places. We are all mysterious to eachother, in the end of the day. We will never quite grasp the very essence of the other's soul. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a game, where the rolling dice decide our so called "destiny". There is only so much we can control.

I know where I stand, I know my morals and capabilities and I do know myself enough. But sometimes, when we are put in unfamiliar situations, all is questioned. Over and over and over again. Story of our lives, isn't it?

My very essence is untouched. I do have my own philosophy, just like you. I am a good person with good intentions, but I do know I am not flawless and that I may be wrong in my way of handling things. I know that very well.

Sometimes the philosophy we carry with ourselves has to be prepared and flexible for unexpected change. It's the only way to apply it to the life that is happening right in front of us (if you want to make sense of things). If you can't make it flexible and challenge it constantly, if you can't accept that sometimes your very philosophy may not be flawless and perfect, THEN! you missed out on the whole point..

However, sometimes I can't apply it to real life. Maybe because I wasn't in the right state of mind, maybe because I wasn't present enough in the first place in order to take action, or maybe because it wasn't the right person in the first place. I need to be fully present (and i don't mean physically), in order to live up to my philosophy - to take risks, go out of my own way for another person, regreat nothing, challenge, live and love to the point of ridiculousness.....

With the right person, I can be the best I'll ever be. If that person let's my heart express itself, I can make the impossible possible, and I can move out of my way to make it work - wether they live close or far, wether they are scared..and so much more I couldn't possibly put into words. With the right person, I can express myself, i am no longer limited. I see no obstacles, and I'd do everything in my power to make it work, no matter how difficult it would turn out to be, because I strongly believe that people in general give in before trying, settling for the safe choice and just letting things fade into the past, as memories, without letting it possibly become a hell of an experience. Cuz we never know...we never know how it could have turned out, if we had risked a little more..

Right now, I need to step back and recharge my batteries, in order to know what to do next. I need my gut feeling to work, and the only way it will ever make itself heard, is to give it some time, by stepping out of the fog, and into perspectiveness.

I am far from perfect, but seldom do I give in that fast without putting up a fight. Let us just see that there is enough there to fight for, otherwise...what is the point, if not chase those moments we longingly strive for, and more importantly, for the right person? If they are the right ones our hearts are aiming for, time will tell.

I do know how far I can go for someone, I do know my limits, but I'd rather see possibilities instead. I ask "why not?" instead of "why?"

On the other hand, we have to accept that, even though we may listen to our gut feeling, it all comes down to the choices we have to make. We will never really know if it was 100% the right decision. We just hope that when a door closes, another one opens - and that is exactly the beauty this life has to give us. Things always turn out differently from what we initially expected. We really dont have complete control of our future. Isn't it ironic. It may be a "role the dice" game, afterall. Maybe it does come down to that.

What will be will be, and hopefully we don't regreat, hopefully we don't become bitter. Hopefully we look back at the experience and say: At least I lived, at least I tried and got moments to remember when I'm old and cranky. But above all, that I tried my best with what I had, at that very moment in my life - wether it was a failure, or a success story. Such is life.

I don't believe that hearts break - we underestimate it far too much! I believe they are temporarely under shortcircuit. If there is one thing I know for sure, is that it may be a very fragile "organ", but It has more healing powers than we are aware of. It can always mend, you just have to put your faith in it. I am a living proof of that. I am not broken, simply undergoing a highly necessary technical maintenance - As we all presence a few times in our lifetime. It's unavoidable.

With love,

Miss heart-under-construction, in order to improve future service.

"It's just the currents of life changing direction again..."

ps Highly pretentious post, but life is pretentious sometimes. And you know what? Sometimes pretension makes sense, because during those rare times, it does reflect life exactly as it is.Over and out!



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Transitions

Flogsta sunset

These past 2 weeks have been incredibly surreal..

Emotional rollercoaster, sadness, unwanted farewell, tears, changes, evolving, devotion, laughter, party, 22pm scream @ Flogsta, BBQ, friends for life, Josef, Danielle, Thibo, Christoph, AJ, Lolo, Johanna, skivstång with Lolo, spanky guy, flyers, discussions, arguments, bonding, caring, jokes, baking, cooking at 3am, biking in the pouring rain with the 3 mosketeers, cockchef, tvättstugan, photography, habibi store, intensity, corridor, sunset, sunrise, Värmlands, Snerikes Bryggan & Sthlms nations, Love don't let me go, Relax take it easy, Put your hands up for Detroit, "Vous êtes en c***, vive Lyon!", Uppsala, smiles, fika, union, party crew, standing ovation, credit cards in the toilet water at Sthlms nation, Australian guy aka STD dude, burnt chicken, smoke machine, cheap champagne, rose d'anjou, candle showers, massage, oil, exchange students, connection, DJ K, waterpipe, Valborg, champagne galopp, sex discussions during breakfast, lunch and dinner, corridor parties, eyes & looks, ICA, pictures (drunken pictures mostly), Grey's anatomy, insomnia, 3hr queue @ Snerikes tentafest, facebook, drama, A.A, pranks, corridor mascot, alcohol, unstableness, jealousy, "I am coming in your room..", "I'm just kidding!!!", "Not everything is black and white", " I am going to take a shower", honey yoghurt, black olives and feta cheese, quiche Laurent, Maguine, games people play, MSN, alarm clock, vampire lifestyle, warmth, giant babel tower feelings, torture, life changing, boulet, Flogsta 7:7, 6:6, 2:2, 2:4, gossip, minor fights, nostalgic, anguish, melancholic, sad, amazing, bittersweet, heart-breaking, memorable, departure...life - and more tears.

Don't want to deal with this. I know I am not alone in feeling this way..but it's still tough. What a year it has been...It's going to take a while to make the transition.

Everything is not lost, but it surely feels like I'm standing on quicksand.

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My Heritage

Christina Ricci - seriously?

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LOVES IT!!

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Bloc Party - Sunday

(Need I say that I love this song to bits?)

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School of thought

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K :: Minnen MED konturer :: K

"But Im not breaking down
And Im not falling apart
I just lost a little faith
When you broke my heart
Given a chance
I might try it again
But I wouldnt risk it all this time.
Id save a little love for myself
Enough for my heart to mend
A little love for myself
One day I just might love again
One day I just might give all myself away"

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