Flap flap according to Wiki

Butterflies in the stomach is a medical condition characterized by the physical sensation of a "fluttery" or "tickling" (hence butterflies) feeling in the stomach. Some believe that this is caused by the release of epinephrine, or adrenaline, when one is nervous, pulling blood away from the stomach and sending it to the muscles. This in turn causes the stomach to temporarily shut down, possibly the reason for loss of appetite when one is "love sick". Butterflies in the stomach is most often experienced prior to important events, when stress is induced, but can be experienced in situations of impending danger.

Ooooh that explains so much !!!!
*flap flap flap!!!!!!*

Benny Lavaaaaa! (this is awsome..)

Hey Future Love,

I didn’t know how to start this letter
Dear, or hello, couldn’t decide which sound better.
I went for the informal because I’m not trying to impress
Try to make it laid back so there’s no need to stress.
I know I don’t know your name—but someday I hope
We’ll meet on the street and no longer be alone.
Sometimes I gaze up at the stars and imagine how it will be—
Where will it happen? Will you just turn and look at me?
Will we discover the meaning of “love at first sight?”
Perhaps it will take one or two nights—
Laying out under the stars and discovering the mysteries
Asking questions that have eluded the minds of many for centuries.
Maybe it will be our laughter that floats in the air—
That makes us turn in the right direction, at that moment, right there.
Our eyes will meet, and it will be just like in a movie
We’ll smile at each other, and you’ll ask me out for a cup of coffee.
Oh the possibilities, they haunt me in my sleep
All the secrets I want to share but for now I keep.
Each poem I write makes me somehow feel closer to you
Based on emotions that I know to be true.
When life gets me down, I look up at the night sky
For a long moment, I’m silent but eventually I’ll sigh—
Someday we’ll meet, and it’ll be like we had never been apart
Because you know when you’ve found the one
That completes your heart.

2008, so far...

Finally settling & leaving 2007 behind. Everything that happened during that year has been filed in my memory. Although to be honest, sometimes, it still insists in lingering around without my permission. I'll miss it, so much...yet I am relieved it's over.

I can say that during 2007, I really lived. Crazy, unstable, wonderful and intense. A year of trial & errors, but mostly errors.
Note to self: "When you lose, don't lose the lesson".

One more year like that, and I'd end up in rehab..Thank God I have 2008 to give me a new beginning..a new hope. I'm on the search, and hopefully I am making the right decisions. Time will tell, and timing is certainly everything.

"Where will I place my future? And the present... which links to my past?"


All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. Isn't that true?

I'm not happy, I'm not sad - I simply am.

Cheese is good.

John Mayer does a remarkably good guitar version of "Lovestoned"/JT

Kick out the jams, Travis Barker!!!!

Begin to hope

Begin to hope and all the colors start to change
Beneath the light you might forget that the world's so sad
You might forget that things are awfully bad
And it's alright if you eat all the apples from the Knowledge Tree bowl
The fact that they're plastic shouldn't deter you at all
Just grab your Sharpie and write your message on the wall

Yeah, I was here, I was here..

I'm sorry, Alfie...

How do I even start... I'm sorry.

Yeah, that doesn't sound very convincing does it? Sorry is an understatement, and it's a hard thing to say as well. All that pride and fear it carries. Nobody wants to be put on the spotlight. Nobody wants to admit their faults. It isn't the most flattering either.

I'm sorry for neglecting your attempts. I'm sorry for lashing out on you when I had my mood swings. I'm sorry for not appreciating your efforts. I'm sorry for putting you second. I'm sorry for saying things I didn't mean, in the purpose of momentarely hurting. I'm sorry for not listening to the warning signs...I'm sorry for not opening up completely. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but it's still not enough.

Saying sorry now is too late, I know. I say it still, because I care for you, and I always will. Maybe we weren't meant to stick together in the long-run. However, the moments we had, when they were good, they were awsome. And you know that - we know that. Deep down. There was no superficiality involved.

I know very well that my behaviour drove us to friction. I know very well that that is not something one should do. I am not in any way looking for excuses, all I can really say, "handen på hjärtat", is that I brought you into my life in a time I was clearly not ready to be in a relationship. Given past circumstances, I needed to find that balance I so badly needed. I'm not trying to sound like a victim, nor is this, once again, an excuse to my foul behaviour.

I was selfish, I believed you could bring me stability and happiness. You did. But there is only so much one person can do for the other. I clearly had to deal with these changes alone, but I really wanted you in my life, otherwise I wouldn't have cried so much, asking you to forgive me, during all those times I failed you - over and over. I knew what I was doing. I knew it was wrong. But i still did it - I'm only human. Yes, that's a lame thing to say. It doesn't justify anything. This isn't a competition between you and I.

I'm sorry for insisting. I'm insatiable, stubborn, but I was only really hoping things would even out, but they didn't. I didnät have it in me, as much as I believed i did, as much as I wanted to prove you, all those times you gave me chances. I know...hard to believe.

I have never neglected reality. I knew all along what was going on. I simply didn't want to give up. But now, too many attempts later, we failed. I guess the only way we would have broken up was dramatically, like this. Otherwise I'd have my tantrum, my same old tactics to get you back, only to fail once again.

It's sad, and it honestly p* me off that it ended this way. We didn't say goodbye. We didn't part in peace. We didn't agree. A ridiculous ending to a meaningful relationship, despite all those issues.....Afterall, we connected, we had great discussions, we laughed, we cried. You cried over toast. Still love that one I must admit. Breaks my heart every time I remember that. I don't think I'll ever have a moment like that with anyone, ever again. It's tough.

I know I've been irrational these last weeks. I guess nobody likes being replaced so fast, EVEN if we had agreed on certain things. I can't help how I feel, and I have always been sensitive when it comes to jealousy.

So I ask you, finally, to please understand where I'm coming from, and why I acted the way I did now. I'm protecting myself. I know you're full of good intentions, but you can't be that naiv and expect me to be ok with how everything turned out, and specially not ok in having to accept the kind of friendship you want/wanted to have right now. It has to be on both terms. I'm hurt, because I thought you knew me better.

How on earth could you possibly think everything would be ok weeks after? I need my time, I need my space. This isn't about logic, I've always been driven by my feelings. I'm sure you are not surprised by my reaction?

I don't want to hear all about your hook-ups and love problems. Really. I am your ex-girlfriend, still a friend, but I am not one of your guy friends who you come to, to tell me about your latest catch. Cuz that hurts, and you and I were intimate. I don't want to know who's replaced me, who kissed you in the places you I've kissed, who probably smelled the kinder egg scent too..all those things. I don't need that. I'm sorry if you take that as a punishment, but I have to think about myself now. You know I will lash out and say something I will regreat otherwise.

If this is too much for you to take, I'm sorry again. But I am not like your exes, who can have the kind of friendship you have. I'm me, and Ill remain being myself.

If there is any hope in wanting to keep contact, let's accept our differences, but on both terms.


You matter.

Hard to say these things when Im still bitter and upset. But I know that in the long-term I will be ok. I'm fighting with myself to write this post. Screw pride, I've got nothing to lose.

I needed that goodbye...It will always remain an empty vaccum to me. Like I am incomplete, do you know what I mean?

I have the right to feel this way. Snäll, var inte arg för detta. Jag menar inget illa och jag försöker absolut inte att framstå som en ängel. Konsekvenserna står du och jag för.

You and I, we are good people, just not together.

From your former someone, but hopefully a future friend.


gitx

Aix-en-Provence / January 2008

Happy birthday to my sizzle!!!!

Our bond is like a river that has deepened and rounded the sharp edges of hurt and anger over time. Because we're sisters, I know your heart and you know mine. When the cloud of dysfunction descended over our family as it always did, we whispered secret wishes for bright and shining futures in the dark. Although we shared the same beginnings, our lives have taken different paths. When those paths converge again in the love, laughter and communion that arises from a common past, it is as though we've never been apart. No matter where you are, You will always have my love, Becca.

Happy birthday sizzle, I'll be with you in thought, as I am every day...

From sizzle 2, with love.

Goodbye



As she stands there...
she starts to wonder...
She starts to worry...
She starts to regret...
She never said goodbye..

Never take this word for granted.

Babe I'm gonna leave you - Led Zepellin

A little taste of home, to close the year on a good note!

Happy New 2008 to you all!!!

You matter: Maria, Jozef, Johanna, Danielle, Andrew, Laurent, Becca, Jarl, Carl, Tati, Chris, Arjan, Maíra, Alfie, Daniel, Rubens & Niclas.

Thank you for a wonderful year...

Always in my heart.
@)--.'-'-,---

2007

"Life is a circle which ascends,
We pass the same points thousand of times,
Just on different heights..."

Ilhan Irem

So here we face the end of yet another year. Personally, for me, it feels like time flies the older I get. I'm always amazed at how things end up turning out. Life surely does have a way in sneaking up on us..

I tried putting a feeling, 1 word to describe this year, but i failed miserably. 2007 was by far, my most challening, intense, crazy, nerve-bearing, sad, happy, personal, enriching year of my life so far. Horrible, but wonderful at the same time.

The beginning of 2007 carried a lot of hope and happiness for me, but that bubble burst faster than I had expected. I learnt that the more intense a feeling/a relationship is, the faster it will end. Too much of a good thing. An overwhelming experience, with such intensity, it couldn't possibly survive reality. I was truly happy though. Never had been so happy in my life like those 2 months. A big set back. Never experienced such sadness. I believed the rest of the year would have been doomed by that, but thankfully it didn't.

I should thank my lucky stars, because what was about to happen in my life, was more than I had bargained for. By then, I truly understood what "when a door closes, another one opens" came to mean.

By february I had met someone completely unexpected, and it was so damn sweet. It was supposed to be a casual thing, but it turned out to be something that came to mean more to me than I ever had predicted. Unfortunately, during those spring months, in the middle of emotionally charged circumstances, that too, brought too many feelings and complications to the table. I wish I could have been more honest, more open, but I felt limited to do so. Nobody ever limits me, but this time I wasn't able to keep control of the situation..

I found a great couple of people who I have come to love. I could not have gone through with that turbulent period without you guys. You were my angels, even though I didn't take your advice (!!!) We surely built a great gang of people, even though we are very different from eachother. I am truly lucky.

All in all, a great student term in Uppsala. Probably the best one I will ever have. A good thing like that doesn't come knocking on your door twice.

As the term came to it's end, a great sadness began to take over. We knew the Erasmus people who we grew close to, were leaving for good. Our little bubble was about to dissolve.

Our farewell dinner on the roof of our building, watching the sunset, signing t-shirts, just looking at eachother, without the need of words, as tears would roll down my face as I tried to get ready for our very last Värmlands party. That was one great night, but the atmosphere was as cheerful as a funeral's. Or the magical evening then...when we biked home in the soaking rain, back from Snerikes. So many, memories. So many laughs. I was living the mexican soap opera. So many funny incidents. I should write a memoir.

Those last days were the sadest days of 2007. I didn't want to say goodbye. Nobody did.

The upcoming term was to be another challenge. I was a mess. I tried channeling my attention towards studies and work. It wasn't very succesful, although I did pretty well in school and my boss really liked me. But personally, I was empty. I had moved back to Stockholm for 6 months in order to save up on some money. Financially great, emotionally.. not so very.

So many farewells. First Chris, then Laurent...followed by Andrew. I hope we don't lose contact...

Coming August, my sister was about to move back to Brazil. She had met this guy (let's call him Pickle!) who I grew to like a lot, and he sure did pass the little sister approval. Eller hur?!!!! :P

Although I wasnt all that excited about the fact that she was leaving the country in order to be with him, and leave the little sister here, I was very happy for her. I knew how much she "needed" this, and she found it.

My big sister and I always shared a room, never spent any Christmas apart - nor birthdays.
We did everything together, we finished eachother sentences, we knew eachothers thoughts, we laughed at the most lame and ridiculous things. People would call us "naturally drunk". Big sizzle, little sizzle. How would life be without eachother?
By saying farewell to her in August was a very painful situation. Sitting with mom looking at her airplane lift was horrible, just horrible. However I knew she had to take that chance.....and it was absoFUCKINGlutely right of her to take that leap, that leap most people looked down upon.

Being without my sister came to be arduous but enriching. I had to find security in myself alone, find my roll as myself, and not the little sister who leans on her big sister for advice and security.
I'm still learning...but siz, I don't want us to be apart forever, let's not follow the family trend. Life is so lame without you!!! There is so much I want to share with you..Plus, nobody gets my jokes! Only you get them..lama lama duck!
Everyone telling me " this is good for the both of you", but It's so hard...I'm still learning to live without you close. But i still carry you around with me, don't forget that, siz...

Looking back, the first half year was the best part of this year, hands down. The other half was more of a retreating, recharging the batteries, stepping out of that bubble - which was wonderful, but too intense. I guess it couldn't have lasted more than it did. Good things are always short-lived. I would have been a wreck otherwise.


[

This space was supposed to be yours.

]

It's been a bittersweet 2007. Some people whom I've met will never really know how much they mean to me, and how much I really do care for them. I always will. Some, I wish I got to know better, or express my true feelings for. But that's life, isn't it?

1 regreat this year. I learnt my lessons now, maybe too late, but I did. I guess that that does count as something.

I will miss 2007, but 2008 carries new possibilities. The continuation of our lifelong path. The non-stop personal growth and learning, which never ends. I will for sure do absurd things, either immoral, illegal or just plain stupid. But this time, I'll have a stronger armour. I know what I want, and I know who I want to be. I just hope I'll come to find some peace of mind, and another bunch of wonderful people who I can create memories with... But this time, with less drama. Let's see what my year abroad in France will bring..

I'm hopeful and excited about the year to come. I hope you are too.

With love,

gitx

Réveillon

Mes amis...!!!!


Réveillon du Jour de l'An / CARLTON BEACH , Lundi 31 décembre 2007 de 21h A 5h !!
Avec La Maronaise, Philippe CORTI, L'équipe des Nocturnes du Beach Soccer...
2 salles, 2 ambiances, 60 euros avec 1 bouteille de champagne pour 4 personnes.
1 salle année 80 / Disco et 1 salle House.
Renseignements : 0491 727.939. / charles@mk3.fr



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"Passion is a force so potent that it lasts long after it’s gone."

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I+I, I-I
...

It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. One more, one less. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses..


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Brilliant Eddie Izzard!

GEMINI - The Twin

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Gemini's will not take any crap from anyone. Gemini's like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Gemini's can be very sarcastic and childish at times, and are very nosey.
Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

Right on, I must say!!!

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