My kitty cat rocks my world

My life wouldnt be half as fun if i didnt have this special kitty cat of ours. He came into our family when he was around 6 years old, because his owners couldnt keep him since they had moved into an apartment. Nobody wanted him because he wasnt a kitty, so they thought of putting him to sleep. But then my mom suggested we'd take him, and after he moved into to our home..our lives would never be the same again. You'd say " is only a cat, woman, get a grip" - but this cat is special. I wouldnt call him a cat, because i know for sure he wouldnt want me to call him a cat. He has tried inumerous times to go by "half cat half super human" - so i let him have the tittle.
Nisse was fat and spoiled when we got him. I found him to be an odd looking furball. He was unfriendly and gave me loads of problems.He didnt know us, so one he disappeard into the forrest during winter - and we didnt know what to do, since he had disappeared, so once when i was walking back from school i heard funny "mewwwwwwwwww moowww murrrrrr" from the forrest, so i decided to look for our cat, since i was worried. I finally found hinm under a tree full of pointy spikes, and he refused to come out, so i basically had to crawl in the snow and catch him with my bare hands. He was so nervous and inwilling to move that he scratched me so much it dig into my hands and i bled so much i thought for a moment that i was in the remake of a scary King movie... However i refused to let go, because i had spent way too many hrs crawling in the woods freezing my ass off to let this cat win the game.
Today i still have these scars on my hand, but this cat became a part of the family throughout the years, and now he is tamed and less fat (major boot camp diet). He is like a small indiana jones, he has moved around to Sthlm, Linköping etc (he moved from my parents house into my sisters inumerous apartments around Sweden) - but now he is here at home back with my parents.
He shows off when we have guests, he chases the pincett (i correct, "he used to" - not anymore, because that craves too much energy). He sits on your face without having any idea that that is not normal for a cat. He farts when he is happy and he humps a sock when he gets horny (or our hand). He is so lazy he doesnt neww anymore. All he does is open his mouth - so basically we have to guess that he is trying to say "meww". He takes about 5 min to make a decision. He walks 5 mm, stops, sits, turns around, asks to go out but when we take him out he doesnt take the final step out the door - so many stories .... Today when i was chatting on msn he came down to the office where im in and sat on my dads office table. He walked around my keyboard (yet another odd spot for a cat) and from there he jumped to the table and found a cosy warm spot...by the stampler...whatever.
Yes, he is the king, and he is also "half cat half super human" to us... So this is my small dedication to my little kitty cat....