Drömvärld vs reality

We all have an idea of how we want our reality and dreams to be like. It differs hugely from person to person.

Some ideas are too naiv & some are too cynical. Mine is in between.

Your world, however, was a world I couldn't entirely understand. In that sense you were right, we had some differences, but given the situation I was in, I did the best I could, in the state that I was in - basically an emotional wreck

. That was when your world turned black and you put up your walls and let go of my hand.

But hear me out. Although understanding the reason to why you let go, I believe there is much more under the tip of your iceberg. So much more, and I see it now.

It is easy to let go because of the bad feeling you got from all of what has happened. I dont blame you! It is easy to let go and draw back into your secure world, the secure world which is familiar and untouched by any cynisism and hurt.

What you felt through me was unfamiliar & unknown - the moment you felt insecure you let go, rather than being a little open to what was standing in front of you. If only you had given it a little more time...But then again, I understand why. I was a broken girl. However that is not who I am.

SEE ME AS I REALLY AM!

I understand that too. I understand why, because I see the reality you are coming from. Your very own.

Your reality means so much to you, but it's a world where only you seem to be allowed in, a reality that you have decided that "thats how it is and that is how i want it to be, and i wont give it up".

In that sort of reality there is no chance for anyone to get in and try to open it up for new persectives, new views - as it is so important to you. You will never truly let anyone in if you are not open for the unfamiliar and the insecure.

Life doesnt work that way. You bring someone into your life, that is how it is going to be. Struggles, differences, arguments - you name it. Once you pass that stage, once you open up for a little change, you will set yourself free, and you will not be as upset and angry at reality, as I know you are.

I know you struggle so much, and at times feel like it is hopeless. I know you are upset with how some things turn out, because its against your ideals, and you dont want to have that sort of life. Neither do I..I too have my dreamworld, but I accept that things can be different from the way I perceive them. I know things arent black nor white.

Never did I try to change your dreamworld. I merely wanted you to break down your walls, at least just a little bit.It was the only way to try to make you understand why I did what I did - the very things that made you lose hope in us, in me...

When we fall for someone we fall for them, and not the criterias we have of the perfect partner which we make in our head. That is never realistic, nor does it work that way. We will never find 100% things we agree on, there will be differences and struggles, but if both are open to being precisely open to the new, two different worlds can coexist.

The experience I got you in played games with your world, and it made you feel uneasy, therefore you withdrew quickly, because it was the only natural thing to do. It was the only thing you knew.

It is ok to have a dreamworld, but letting some of the real world inside is the only healthy way to actually be able to accept why they do things differently than you at times. That his how you learn to understand them - and you couldn't do that with me. You let your strickt beliefs limit your understanding of why I did what I did, wish upset you so much, which made you believe you couldnt trust me.

Once again, how can one trust an emotional wreck, half-broken girl in the transition between the past and the present? But that was me then. Now I am what I wanted you to see, but you left..



Had you been more open, and tried to understand me, tried to communicate. you would have understood why your feelings for me were put away so fast. Why it all felt so overwhelming to you.
Maybe then you would have made peace with everything that happened, accepting that what happened couldn't have happened in any other way, and that I was only half the girl I could have been for you, that girl who really wanted to prove you and give you so much.

You didn't let me in - you left. You felt like your dreamworld didnt match mine and it scared you.

But how are you to be happy if you don't accept that you have to be more open to change, to me, who came into your life? It doesn't mean you have to let go of your values, but to be open to the new, the unknown. It may be scary and insecure, I understand you hold so tight to it, but you will never be happy if you don't let some of that light in. Nor will you let anyone in, in that way.

You are fooling yourself by locking yourself in your world and you are not only hurting me, but the people who come into your life.

Running away may seem like the best solution for you to feel better again. But that is a simple short-term fix. The real world will catch up with you, and people will continuously hurt you and make you feel insecure like i did to you..


It may feel like home, it may feel secure, but who are you kidding? Only yourself, and I hope one day you will come to terms that you can't live by the excuse that "once i build my view and belief on something, it won't change, cuz thats just how I am" doesn't carry much of a solid ground.

You have to dare more, risk more. Thats the only way of reaching the harmony we all seek in life:

Build your comfort zone, your dream world, be naiv, but let some of the real world in, let others peoples worlds in too, accept that rules cant always apply, that things arent as black an white, that we all do things for a reason, that risking is living - its will increase your understanding and accepting..

You will find a balance between your world and others world, without having to struggle, without having to give up of your own values.

I can't possibly know how or why your past has molded the dreamworld & reality you have built up for yourself. But do you honestly want to let your past hurts define and limit your future possibilies?


You are not alone in this planet, and you have to make peace with the real world. The real world has real people, and it isnt that bad, because it is what you make of it.

Bringing some of that into your own reality is the only way for you to be true to your heart and find that balance you search for.

In a relationship one has to give a little, accept a little, endure a little, change a litt,e in order to find a harmony between the two. One can't possibly run away when things get rough and insecure.

It may be comforting to live in your own world, but the real world isn't that bad either. You could be so much happier, and less complex in your character. If only you could accept that. You can have the best of both worlds, rather than having to shut away from the girl who only wants you to find that balance and let you know that I too, have a dreamworld, and it is a scary reflection of yours, although it is more open to the unfamiliar, the unknown - and that is why I risked so much, and that is why I held on so tight to you, because had you given me more time to prove you, it wouldn't have been that bad. It would have been fucking great.

Do you understand now why I am so stubborn by trying to communicate with you?
I am not trying to push, I care for you. You shut me out so quickly, you didnt give me the chance to talk. What was I supposed to do, other than panic

Put yourself in my shoes - wouldn't you do the same?

I know I may seem paranoic, but I am sorry If I care, I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass, but these are my feelings too, this shook my world and messed me up inside.

I am not the reflection on that broken mirror. I'm just a girl who is trying to break down the walls that limit the great potential you had. The great potential we had together.

How can you blame me for still being here?

I understand you more than you know now. I just wish things didn't have to go this far. I just wish you didn't shut me out like this - if only you could put yourself in my position as well.

I'm your friend, not your enemy. I am not trying to tell you what to do, I am not trying to fish for any answers. I am just trying to maybe help you make sense of all that has happened, as I was a part of it too.

I was there...remember? The cat who purred under your furry ears and who couldn't stop smiling at your dimples?

I have locked my heart now, and only you have the key.
Hopeless I know. Weak I know. But that is how it is, and I chose to live that way- until all hope is gone.

Maybe one day you will realize, maybe you won't.
Until then, I am here, and no matter how complex you are, my heart isn't going anywhere.

Sorry for being so intense and harsh. This isn't a guilt post nor a punishment. I only mean well. I just wish you didn't shut me out like this, it wasnt my aim. Not at all. It wasn't supposed to be like this, and its hurtful.

Please try to see it from my point of view, rather than seeing my attempts as stubborn, egoistic and disrespectful towards you.

You and I, aren't that different afterall, lilla nos....

with love, always..
katt =(^..^)=

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