Nissus, gordo, gordo-preto, preto-gordo, farty cat, kitty cat..R.I.P

R.I.P Nissus - min lilla underbara katt. Kommer aldrig förlåta mig själv, jag kunde ha räddat dig, eller åtminstonde försökt...Du hade världens konstigaste karaktär, men det var just det som gjorde dig så speciell och älskad av oss alla. Aldrig har jag skrattat så mycket åt dig. Du var en stor del av våra liv och var med så länge, nästan sedan vi kom till Sverige.

Du var och kommer alltid finnas i mitt hjärta. Förlåt...I am going to miss you so much.

14/01-07 @)--'-,-'---

Cat's Dream BY Pablo Neruda

How neatly a cat sleeps,
sleeps with its paws and its posture,
sleeps with its wicked claws,
and with its unfeeling blood,
sleeps with all the rings--
a series of burnt circles--
which have formed the odd geology
of its sand-colored tail.

I should like to sleep like a cat,
with all the fur of time,
with a tongue rough as flint,
with the dry sex of fire;
and after speaking to no one,
stretch myself over the world,
over roofs and landscapes,
with a passionate desire
to hunt the rats in my dreams.

I have seen how the cat asleep
would undulate, how the night
flowed through it like dark water;
and at times, it was going to fall
or possibly plunge into
the bare deserted snowdrifts.
Sometimes it grew so much in sleep
like a tiger's great-grandfather,
and would leap in the darkness over
rooftops, clouds and volcanoes.

Sleep, sleep cat of the night,
with episcopal ceremony
and your stone-carved moustache.
Take care of all our dreams;
control the obscurity
of our slumbering prowess
with your relentless heart
and the great ruff of your tail

The age of uncertainty

Each decade of our lives differ to a great amount from eachother - not only do we physically change, but our priorities and needs change too. Isn't it interesting to realize how much we still are to surprise ourselves? In our 20's we are somewhat built to take a lot for granted, since so much comes our way and to say the least, we are bombarded with social activities and intense discoveries and encounters. We become very egoistic. Thus, finding ourselves overwhelmed with so many opportunities and choices to take..Like a spunge absorbing desperately every water drop there is in its surrounding. This is exactly why I find myself in my "20-to-30 decade" insecurity and lack of trust for the people I chose to bring into my personal circle. I trust them to a certain extent, but I make a point of reminding myself to be extra careful in order to protect myself.

I believe there is only so much one can expect from others in this time of our lives.
I have seen the rainbow turn black, and it isn't a nice sight - taken to account that you are not prepared for the aftermath the heart has to deal with - but that is part of life, part of the process everybody goes through in life, at some point & in one way or the other. Life would be pretty dull and pointless otherwise, come to think of it.

I try to enjoy this period because I know this is a unique time of my life, which won't repeat itself in the next decade to come. I enjoy the pain and the pleasure the post teenage angst towards young adulthood brings me.

Although, sometimes I wish my mind didn't have to work overtime thinking so much as it usually does. I'm not paranoic, I just have a general uneasiness towards everything and everyone who becomes part of my life - because I know I can't expect much from them at this point in our lives. We are ever changing now, and the vows we preach today, the love & dedication we stand by, may bring us a less loving tone tomorrow. It takes a lot for someone in our age to stand by their words and their hearts - However there is a rare breed of those out there.

Human nature desires so much, loathes iddleness, and the curiosity is never ending - Is that the reason why most people who marry in their 20's divorce around their 30-somethings? Is it because we are not quite mature for the commitment? Passion is a drug.

We want it so much, we could do anything in order to have it. It brings us to a temporary insanity and although I am an addict myself, I know it could be very missleading if we abuse of it. That is probably why I haven't jumped into so many relationships. I don't want to spend my time on just anyone, because passion gradually decreases with time in a relationship (you know, the cocoon phase), and that is when everything settles, and true love kicks in - the real devotion, the long-term partnership we all seek. It is when you STILL love someone without the pink clouds lingering around.. It is the final arduous test - when we see the person for exactly what they are - full of annoying and wonderful defects, but also with all those wonderful things which we can't live without..

We should not worry so much, because in the end, our instincts will let us know wether we are investing in the right person or not.

That is the only thing we can rely on.

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