DO YOU REMEMBER?? [Ally McBeal series at its best]

IMPRISONED BY BAD DREAMS




I am becoming sick and tired of my constantly interrupted sleep.
Every night I dream bad dreams. It's always the same topic, but that I will keep to myself. I don't wish to describe it, other that It's disturbing my sleep and making me feel bad when Im awake as well. I don't want it :/
In the dreams themselves I am powerless, I feel a strong uneasiness and I never take a stand in my dreams - I let it take over, and that angers me to the core.

Reading through some explanation on dreams, I have found the following:

1. Dreams are metaphorical translations of waking expectations.
2. Expectations which cause emotional arousal that is not acted upon during the day to quell the arousal, become dreams during sleep.
3. Dreaming deactivates that emotional arousal by completing the expectation pattern metaphorically, freeing the brain to respond a fresh to each new day.
4. Dreams are seen as being projections of parts of oneself. Often these are parts that have been ignored, rejected or even suppressed. One aim of gestalt dream analysis is to accept and reintegrate these. The dream needs to be accepted in its own right - not broken down and analysed out of existence.

And to top it of In Islam, good dreams are considered to be from God and bad dreams from Satan - Now isn't that comforting?!

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WISE QUOTATION OF THE MONTH




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TIME TO REACH OUT


I'm ready for the new chapter in my life.

In about 3 months my time in Uppsala will come to its end.
It has been so far, a year and a half of a lot of new experiences.
I will carry this experience with warmth in my heart throughout my life.

The corridor life is unique. The people one meets are amazing.
Moving away from home for the very first time was the scariest thing I have even gone through. But i had to move, it was important for my well being.

I was sad to leave, and felt lonely the first month. I remember my mom's expression on her face when the whole family brought me to Uppsala (Becca, Arjan, Mom and Dad) and helped me move - she looked sad to "let me go", and so did I.
But on the other hand it was exciting - everything was new. I was extremly shy the first months here. I remember not wanting to go out to the common kitchen and meet my 11 resting corridor mates. I hid in my room and all i had from the beginning was my boyfriend, who lives here in Uppsala.
Gradually I became more social, and looking back, I feel I have changed a lot, and on a personal level, I feel like I grew up - In a good way.

But little did I know, as the months passed by, people moved in and we began to become a big family. We played prank on eachother, played volley together, we made parties together & got drunk together, we cooked together and so on. People came and went. Amazing people whom I managed to bond in a short period of time, but who carry a lifetime of meaning to me and others not quite much, but that's how it goes. Sometimes you're lucky with the new people moving in, sometimes you're not. But all in all, it became home. These are the moments life is made of....

Uppsala for me is the Flogsta scream at 22am every bloody night (student tradition here in the Flogsta ghetto of Uppsala), the dirty corridor, the Cathedral, the nations, the common fridge, the bikes, the pranks, exchange students, waterpipe sessions, karaoke, the supermarket trips down here, movie nights, Daniel (this town will always remind me of you, as it is where it all began.....none of this would have been possible without your help, and i wouldn't have experienced this if it wasn't for your kind help. Your help came in a time I really needed it, and from a very unexpected source - so thank you, a million forevers @)-,'-'---)

I'm sad but at the same time i'm happy. I am preparing myself already, because I know I will feel strange the last weeks here.

Soon I will become a Stockholm student, and hopefully I will be moving in with my sister, and that will make the transition less painful.

There is so much feeling - it is impossible to describe..

I await nervously, hoping for the best.

I'm ready for the new chapter in my life.


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Hjärngympa

This is a fun/frustrating game for my swedish visitors (sorry guys!).

Man ska lista ut url-adressen till nästa sida, och totalt finns det 23 sidor.

För mig det svåraste var att lösa sida 22..

Jättekul men jag varnar, var utvilad!

Kommentera gärna!

http://www.internetlankar.se/spel/rebus/1.htm

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A XUXU/VILLI/Daniel-san MOMENT



How smart are you? *VILLI* Jaaag ar jattesmart! IIIIKU paa 4000!! (quoting Daniel)

;)

ps I don't expect anyone to understand this post..

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EAT MY SUSHI?!

Hmm..I love sushi, but probably (definetly not) in this context. Somehow this does not open my apetite. Really. Even if I would be a guy...


This actually happens in some parts of the world.


If i'd be served sushi this way someday, sushi wouldn't be my favorite dish anymore, only if I become a lesbian.. (?)

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HOW I WISH I COULD SURRENDER MY SOUL..

In the midst of the doubt, the question mark, the unknown, the insecurity, I have found exactly that - security in the insecurity. For now.

Isn't that ironic? I have become partially imune to all of the things in my relationship which have been haunting me. Maybe it is a sort of defense mechanism which has kicked in?

I haven't made peace with the problems, but I have accepted the fact that it won't leave any time soon, and I couldn't possibly force things to occur unaturally.

Things will take its course, but I know much hangs on the will of both.

Another reason to why I have calmed down a bit is thanks to a friend who has opened my eyes, I thank you so much for that man - (you know who you are).

Sometimes I doubt my very own thoughts, as if I can't rely on my very own judgement. That is awful, I know.

He told me everything I wanted to hear, and it gave me hope. I saw a rare shade of light.

We discussed how relationships should work.

Let us take for example:

A couple who is going through a crisis and aren't sure they should stay together because the very reason to why they are in a crisis is because their differences have come foward in such a strong manner that it feels overwhelming to deal with it.

What should they do?

And that is when the magical answer saved my soul that day I heard him say the following words:

"Couples will always find problems and go through crisis. We will always find something that annoys us about the other and so on. You name it. Most of the time couples give up because they don't have the energy to put an effort in the relationship because it feels hopeless. Thus, better to close that chapter of their lives and move on and find someone more compatible.

But that's exactly it. It is a known fact that there will always be someone elses who are nicer, prettier, smarter, more alike us, more challening, more this and that, less fuss...And life would probably be more carefree, no doubt. But don't forget, If we really love someone, we accept the differences, we accept that it's going to be tough to deal with the differences and all the crisis to come, but we love these people, and that feeling is the only logic in this puzzle - when we chose to give up and find someone more compatible. Love can work in what we called "doomed relationships". There are couples out there who fight like cats and dogs and have dragon tempers, but who do love eachother with every drop of blood in their veins - and that we can't deny. That is all that matters. The love. No matter how different we are - what the hell!!

You are to find someone who shares that view with you. If that person doesn't, then you know, they aren't fighters, and they probably let love down, thinking if they give up and find someone more compatible, was the smartest thing to do, even if they would have it easier with their following partner, but who cares? It is giving up on who you love, and that is a great waste you will carry in your memory throughout your life...."

I breathed, and it all made sense to me, what I knew all along..wasn't a dreamers wish...

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WORDS CARRY POWERFUL MEANINGS

"I love you"

How many times haven't we heard these words? Everywhere it is. So much that it has lost its meaning.

"I love you" is said at any given situation just as much as "hello how are you? ".
Even though it has lost its enormous significance, I have realized how it affects my very own romantic life. I myself don't say it too often, but I do say.

Actions carry a far bigger meaning than words, so should we skip the burden of saying "I love you" back and feel satisfied with the actions? instead and let that be that? Are actions really enough to ensure us the feel good level in a relationship?
I am not sure about that, to tell you the truth.
I agree actions reflect reality and tells us much more, however as complex as us human beings are (or lets say women, alright), we need to hear these words once in a while. It rewards our hearts and makes us feel safe, so even I need it, despite of its overcomercialized use.

Now the question remains - am i a slave of Sex and the city-series and cosmo maganizes or do I actually have a point?

On the other hand I do understand that sometimes we go through tough patches in a relationship, when the stakes are high and any uncautious step can lead to its end.

The "I love you's" don't seem to fit in that picture. But then again, maybe we should say "I love you" sometimes, even during those periods, because those powerful words still behold of strong feelings - they can even save relationship crisis, or at least, keep it together when its holding on to any hope it can get.

Am i right or am I wrong? Opinions are more than welcome.


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IN MEMORIAM - 9/11



They were all different in some way, but the same thing killed them - hatred.
We cannot be happy and we cannot have peace through hate and violence.
Hate divides us, makes us afraid of ours differences.
Only love can show that differences don't matter.
Life is short, so don't go wasting it on hating people.

Love isn't blind, it only sees what matters...





R.I.P





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PARIS - THE MUSIC HEIRESS


OOOOOh I'm sooo bad!
I couldn't resist this icon, but the truth is...I like Paris!
I mean, I know she isnt symbolizing the correct role model which affect so many insecure teens nowadays, but she knows how to market herself, and for that, I give her all the credit!

From time to time, I have to nourish my teenage needs and praise Paris Hilton's ability to sing, which is for my surprise, not that bad!

I just downloaded her new cd - It is simple, shallow, happy bubble gum, good beats, sexy, hot r&b pop!

So excuse me, but I really like it!

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mr cheesy

FLIRT SCHOOL DO'S & DO'S



Looking back at my past male conquests (I'm kidding!), I analyse how I managed to get them interested in me. To flirt successfully is sometimes harder than science. Reading through my 10.000 different magazines, I go through the flirting rules to see if I did the following:

	Smile
	Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the easiest things you can do to make yourself instantly attractive - and approachable - is to smile. [ ]

Look at him
Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin discovered that when deeply in love, couples look at each other when talking, and are slower to look away when someone else joins the conversation. Simply lock eyes with the person you fancy and keep them there, even when they've finished talking or someone else joins in. This way he'll know that you're more interested in him than the other person. [X]

Match his movements
Mirroring someone's body language is the single most effective tool in your Flirting Box. All you need to do is match or imitate his gestures and movements. If he crosses his legs, cross yours. We like people who are like us. If someone is mirroring our behaviour, we sense they're on the same level. We feel both accepted and flattered. [ ]

	Listen
	Listen to what he's saying. Being heard will make him feel interesting. And if you make him feel good, he's going to want to stick around. [X]

	Touch him
	Touch is the number one instant bonder. The briefest touch can have an electric effect on how somebody feels about you. [ ] Compliments

Compliments work wonders on you, don't they? Flirting,involves feeling good about yourself and making others feel good. [ ] Isn't that interesting, according to the flirting rules i missed out on 3 and yet, I still succeeded - or? Guess there are no clear flirting rules to follow.

...

Here are a few cheesy pick up lines for those moments our lack of repertoir within charm is on minus:

'Are we near the airport or is that just my heart taking off?'

'Did you hear the latest health report? You've got to up your intake of vitamin me.'

'You must be Jamaican, because Ja-makin-me crazy!' (my personal favorite!!)

'Can I borrow your library card? I wanna check you out!'


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FO SCHIZZLE, BITCH!!!


If there is something I'd love to be able to say but can't (for moral reasons) is to say to my girlfriends, 'What's up, Bitch?' like guys say to one another...

(!!!)

"Fo schizzle, my sizzle" will have to do for me.. hahahaha!!!!

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Need I comment on this one?

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ps This is a long post and a vast topic. I will be writing about this from time to time. ds




Confessions of an unglamorous 20 something girl


"You speak out all you feel is defiance All you need is some self-reliance Cuz this world is gonna always try us And all you wanted was to run for cover Well here’s looking to your self and no other We’re all searching for that special something And we keep on running"


Lately I have been reflecting over a lot of aspects towards human behaviour and mentality. We all have our own ideas and opinions, so this time, I feel like I want to write down and let you world, know how I see it.

This time I am reflecting over Mr Right issues and all its unlogical meaning.So I will use the word as a metaphore....

This issue overwhelms me to a great extent. At this phase of our lifes we can’t avoid the issue, and if you think about it, we are surrounded and reminded of it at every chance we get.
I often ask myself what is the most important thing for us, in this life. .When we are small, the most important thing is is the latest toy which sings and moves, and Mom. We all have a Mom.
When that phase is over, we want to experiment and become daredevils, not worrying about consequences – drugs, drinks, parties, loud music, make out, make friends..


And now, at 23 I ask myself, what is the most important thing to me, at this very moment?

*I still want to experience, but not in the same level as in when I was a teenager. Another sort of experience.

*I want love – all sorts of love, in all its pureness, faces and colors.
I depend strongly on feelings and security at this very moment of my life. Security that my sister will always be there, that those precious friends from the past still remain in my present, that the one I chose to love sees me the way I see them. The love of my family and support.

*Security in myself – that I make the right choices, that I follow my heart and try to be true to it.

*Identity – to find the source of what Is the purpose of my life but above all, to enjoy it and to have the capacity to shed some warmth and love in the hearts of the people whom I love and chose to share my experience here with.



Now that you got a picture I will get to the point – Mr Right..

It is such a cliché to talk about these things because everytime we hear about it we immedietaly criticize and judge the topic as silly and very “Sex and the city”-like. But no, I refuse to be put in that category, as silly as this topic may sound in your ears as you read it. I too, alike my sister, like to observe human behaviour and this topic carries a great meaning to me at this very moment of my life.

To begin with, the word “Mr Right” is a bad term. It makes us obsessed about its meaning and if such utopia does exist. In other words, it pisses the hell off me. It brings me to reflect over my own life, and not that that is a bad thing!! – the very contrary, but it scares me. I feel pressure to analyse every small detail and behaviour around me.

I am constantly observing and questioning and at the same time trying to lead a normal life believing, or at least trying to believe I am a smart cookie when it comes to love (believe me, that is a tough one).

I don’t have a romantic flick-like relationship, nor do the clouds turn pink everytime we share the small space and fragments of seconds the moment before we kiss..and that is alright. I know reality is everything but that – it is in fact, better.

However I do question my relationship(s). That is right. Not only the current one. For me, each and every one of them we very different from eachother. I was different in every one of them and so were the guys. The needs, the special language between the two, were different as well.What kind of person do I really need, and what do I have to change in myself in order to make it work with the special someone? I too, have the responsability to be a Miss Right and work on my own faults.

The truth is that, every girl in this stage of life, who has a little turmoil going on inside, wonders the very same and goes through this 3 headed monster called Mr Right -blues.

I myself, become very upset at the situations we have to go through in order to figure this monster out. It has digged deep inside my core and its there to stay - so I might as well make peace with it. Nevertheless, I know this will take a long time to become a reality – afterall, all sorts of wars in the world take an endless amount of time to solve.....so why would this be any different, even if its another sort of war?

Women will feel extremly betrayed by me when I confess here that I have accepted the fact that I no longer expect as much from men during this phase of our young lives as before.
Dont get me wrong, I am not dependent on anyone nor do I live of ilusions. To have a relationship and make it work during our 20's is at its most delicate, insecure, unstable and breakable state right now.

Love needs space and time to grow in us and then to become truly & completely embraced by us - but in order for that to happen, we have to have lived and learnt a little and finally let it come into our lifes naturally. That is how it should be. If time is what we need, why do we have the need to have so much control over it?

I just wish things weren’t so complicated for us when we are in our 20’s. Man, what a burden! I don’t think we are capable of being satisifed to a 100% with our relationships right now either. We are supposed to follow the pace we are given, and the unwritten rules which nobody talks about.

We are slaves of this punishing silence, and we live ignorant in this sort of distorted bliss. I am so insecure about so much concering this, because all I want is to be sure I am doing right and nourishing my heart, rather than strangleling it with lies.

Mr Right does not exist for us in our 20’s as far as I am concerned – Mr Right, right now, are the men we meet now. What will come out of it, only time will tell, and along the way we will learn from our mistakes, although i dont believe in mistakes. You know what I mean.
We problably won’t ever know. But if there is a time when we can’t be sure at all, is right now. So much happens in our lifes, so many insecurities and specially, finding out what we really need.

Love doesn’t have to be a prison. It will always be hard on the heart, but love is a battle – and we chose to be a part of it.

There is so much I want to experience, but I want to share a rollercoaster of experiences holding the warm hand of a special someone, but not because Im afraid of being alone. Not at all! I believe life tastes better when we share it with our special ones. That is what life is all about.

..we are still growing up and fighting our own fears and discovering what the world has to offer.. its too hard to hold on to an ilusion. We don't dare to expect so much...It's too risky. It's simply too much of an emotional burden tp the heart.

I want to be able to enjoy what life and the boys in our lives have to give right now - as well with how much I can give. I want a turbulent peace – accepting how things are and enjoying the ride at the same time.

But oooh, if you only knew how much it hurts and tortures my heart to truly embrace this ideology. I'm fighting, I'm fighting, I'm fighting....

...


I "accept", but I will not give in either.
The battle goes on... @)-'--,'--'--

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