2006. FINITO. 2007. Hope.

Happy new Years. Gott nytt år.
Feliz ano novo!!!!!!!
Wishing all of you a fresh new
start.....

My year in a few words:

Uppsala. Flogsta - Josef. Danielle. Johanna. Andrew. Laurent. My sister - sizzle 1. School. Sushi. Sleepless nights. Personal development. Volleyball matches in Ångström. Summer. Family. Brother reunion. Waterpipe - a lot. Fika. Instinct. Decisions. Love. Frustration. Discovery. Sadness. Rainbow. Special K. War. Climate change. Corridor life. Valborg. Alessandra (the sweetest little thing). Carl & Jarl. Late nights. Music, a lot of music. Exchange students. Rule-breaking. Heartbreaking. Heart mending. Family. Self discovery. Emotional turmoil. Learning. Happiness. Hope. Light....

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Special K

Sometimes we have to hit rock-bottom in order to give ourselves the chance to stand up again and realize that there's a rainbow waiting for us, in the midst of all that darkness..
It's all about the right angle. Sometimes we don't see it, because we are standing in the wrong place. But I can see it clearly now.

I'm on my way...

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The aftermath of a fallen wonderland

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the lack of sleep of these past days, but today, it all flood down, without my consent. Emotional batter.

I thought I had handled it so well, but I guess It's normal. I'm human after all. I need to go through this.
A lot to process, but above all, a great lesson.I guess i'm just afraid of the fog.

I'm glad you called..

One part of my heart smiles, to the other one that cries..

Welcome to the mourning & healing process..

@)---',-----

ps You know you'll always live in my heart, right?

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UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

It is a sweet thing, friendship, a dear balm,
A happy and auspicious bird of calm..

ps Danielle, Josef, Laurent & I - Gothenburgs nation, Uppsala - December 2006.

Metamorphosis of the self

One of the most beautiful yet mysterious things in life must be human nature. So complex, yet so simple - all at once, like an explosion of firework with all the colors of the rainbow, drawing poetry in the sky.

I have come to realize how our insights come upon. You know, in that split second when you make peace with yourself, when the last piece of the puzzle is found - where you know where you stand & how we make sense of our very own unique selfs. Human beings are so interesting, because when we think we have control of something, when we think we understand something, it surprises us. Then our insecurity kicks in. What we once held as truth, is in fact, everything but the truth. Once again, we have to reflect all over again, spend some time reflecting, feeling..in order to make sense of it all again. Humans evolve all the time, and so does our behaviour.

Our experiences do bring us lessons, but it brings us an incredible burden as well - we know we have to make peace with the past, in order to remain sane, in order not to lose our hopes. Because human beings live on hope. And its the only way for us to move on, and keep on living, without that bitter aftertaste. So many times I have been disappointed with people. My expectations weren't met, my thoughts became messed up, and nothing made sense. I'd usually sit down and wonder what went wrong, and what i could have learnt from that experience - however, without losing my innocence, my thrust for life and all those overwhelming feelings which pumps our bloods through our veins, keeping us alive.

I've come to realize that in order to get insight, we cant possibly do it on our own. Sometimes we meet amazing creatures who reflect the hope that we need. That small piece of the puzzle. However we create great mistakes by taking in these people in our lives with such great hopes - because we see hope for us, in them, we become dependent on them - and that is where we miss the point.

In order to feel good in our skins again, to find a direction in which we should live by, get that security back we should receive these people, with arms wide open, but realizing that they are only tools which help us realize things we knew unconsciously, but which had to be grabbed by someone outside our very selves in order to realize it was in there all along.

That is why we feel so confused and lonely when life turn its back on us, the disapointment is so big, sometimes we believe we will never find the energy to stand up again - simply for the fact that we put all our faith in the people who help us out of the tunnel, when in fact, the truth and the hope was still burning inside of us...we just needed that little push.....a little help from the outside.. On the other hand, I love it when I meet these angels which bring me to knew insights. One thing i know for sure, this is my truth, and its unchangeable... Maybe thats the only way in order for one not to become bitter? Who knows..

I dont expect anything from them. I dont demand anything from them. Yet, i receive so much in return. An overwhelming bliss.

You can still shed some fire in your heart, without getting burnt..

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Global Orgasm

The other day I received the weirdest link ever, from Rafael (also known as garrafita), a crazy brazilian friend of mine. I thought of sharing this with you, dear bloggers, because afterall, we are meant to spread the good word out there, aren't we?

This is what I he sent me:

Global Orgasm is a global event scheduled for December 22, 2006 in order to coincide with the end of solstice. The idea is for everyone in the world to have an orgasm during this one day while thinking about peace so as to emit a positive energy on Earth.

The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy. Now that there are two more US fleets heading for the Persian Gulf with anti- submarine equipment that can only be for use against Iran, the time to change Earth’s energy is NOW.

And i am damn serious, this is a project led by nontheless, Standford University.


So now you know what you have to do (for a good cause, of course)

For more information visit the oficial homepage @ http://globalorgasm.org/
and for a quick preview visit http://www.globalorgasm.org/demo.html

Countdown: 7 days and 20 hrs

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PAST. PRESENT. FUTURE

I always live in the present. The future - i dont know it. The past - I no longer have it. The one weighs on me like the possibility of everything, the other weighs on me like the reality of nothingness.

I have neither hope nor nostalgia. Knowing what my life has been until today - so many times and in so many ways the oposite of what i would have wanted it to be - what can i assume about my life in the future except that it will be what i do not assume - what happens to me outwardly, even through my will? I dont even have anything in my past that i remember with the useless desire to repeat it. I want it to remain in its unatainable beauty of what it once was. I am not even nostalgic for the sensations i had in lost moments : what we feel is what the moment demanded; when the moment passes, a page is turned and the story continues, but not the text...

Hey you, are you happy? do you like what you are making of your life? Do you live for the past, the present or the future?

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The mind is a razorblade

T onight i gave myself the chance to sleep at a decent hour - 21pm. I woke up about 2 times and the 3d time i woke up at at 01:45. I don't know what it is that keeps me up so late at night. I've noticed I am night person. The world seems calmer & everybody is asleep. No stress, no rush, no sound but the rain drops clinging on my window.

It is a very cosy feeling, indeed. My late nights became a habit 2 years ago. Partly because of the people in the corridor, and the thousands of discussions we used to have. Most of us feel lonely or just need a shoulder to lean on at night, when the noise is gone, and we are reminded of our own troubles - mediocre or not, however, still making themselves reminded during the loud silence every night brings us.

That reminds me how friends are crucial and important. Not that I didnt know that before, but when as our lives are quite intense right now, like a sucking spunge grasping every drop of water, we need our friends in order to help us remain sane. I would be completely lost without them.
My thoughts are always going 150km/h and it doesn't help that i am an impulsive person. Sometimes i get myself into situations without consulting myself on the matter.

I often find myself in a twilight zone wondering: "How did I get here?" and "What led me to this?" Quite scary.

But havent you noticed that you too, have done this?

I believe we arent in full control and awareness of what our feelings/emotions can do. Sometimes, our feelings/emotions do us a favor and leads us into this unknown path, without even asking our logic self if that is a good idea. It works for us because it wants to tell us something, because our logic self would never be so impulsive and thoughtful. Of course not, logic doesnt work that way..its our careful part of the brain, while the wild child emotional part of the brain is trying to tell us or warn something is wrong and that we only live once...Take the leap or else!
It keeps us from getting stuck in oblivion. Mine is telling me: Open your eyes..

What are yours telling you?

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