Further impressions in the southern blue
One considerable big change i have noticed in myself since my move to France must have been the way I dealt with things.
I have become impulsive in my actions without taking into account how others may perceive them, getting me into a lot of trouble. It is just too easy to fall into these tricky traps.
Impulse is a dangerous thing. It is the utter most, strongest desire that lies in our core and that, at times, must be kept under reins. Although some of our impulses may be well intended, it doesn't mean it will be perceived as a positive thing in the eyes of others - especially if it affects them.
I believe these changes have taken place for the fact that in Sweden i lived in a less adventurous atmosphere. It was 'safe' and less challenging. In my 9 years of Swedish cultural experience, I found Swedes to be quite mundane.
In many aspects, France feels more like home than Sweden ever did to me. I hope with every bone in my body, that I can return here for good in the near future.
On another note, France brought me a wide awakening - and even though I might have gone a little overboard in past behavior, it is part of the adaptation process. The cultural differences are unavoidable.
Doubtlessly I have grown up during my time here, and even though I been hurt and very disappointed, I would have done it all over again. I am a bit of a masochist, like that.
For those who have followed my blog writing know that I have a tendency to think too much and write a lot on personal subjects. .Afterall, I don't write for others. What I write over here is very personal, and may be shocking for many, but this is just the way I am - sans bullshit. I have nothing to hide and I don't care if my honesty may give people the wrong impression of me. Those who know me, understand...Plus, I am constantly judged the wrong way anyway, but that does not matter anymore. I stopped caring.
Moreover, I am learning to avoid things that are bad for me, finding what makes me happy. Simplifying and filtering away all the bullshit, to be more specific. I am only learning RIGHT NOW how to handle my nature. Before I believed there was something wrong in my character, but now I see that it had nothing to do with me - it was the choices I made and the situations i put myself in. I searched for deception. Over and over. A risky pattern. At a certain point, one grows tired, soooo very tired.
I am up for a whole lot of things, and I will always be a little 'crazy' but now I handle everything with a bit of positive skepticism. Now I just need to learn how to control my impulses with certain things.
There is still so much I want to experience. A luau during sunset in the calanques with my friends, is one of them.
Lets make these last couple of months memorable...and to say the least, ROYALLY kick ass :)
