Babe I'm gonna leave you - Led Zepellin

A little taste of home, to close the year on a good note!

Happy New 2008 to you all!!!

You matter: Maria, Jozef, Johanna, Danielle, Andrew, Laurent, Becca, Jarl, Carl, Tati, Chris, Arjan, Maíra, Alfie, Daniel, Rubens & Niclas.

Thank you for a wonderful year...

Always in my heart.
@)--.'-'-,---

2007

"Life is a circle which ascends,
We pass the same points thousand of times,
Just on different heights..."

Ilhan Irem

So here we face the end of yet another year. Personally, for me, it feels like time flies the older I get. I'm always amazed at how things end up turning out. Life surely does have a way in sneaking up on us..

I tried putting a feeling, 1 word to describe this year, but i failed miserably. 2007 was by far, my most challening, intense, crazy, nerve-bearing, sad, happy, personal, enriching year of my life so far. Horrible, but wonderful at the same time.

The beginning of 2007 carried a lot of hope and happiness for me, but that bubble burst faster than I had expected. I learnt that the more intense a feeling/a relationship is, the faster it will end. Too much of a good thing. An overwhelming experience, with such intensity, it couldn't possibly survive reality. I was truly happy though. Never had been so happy in my life like those 2 months. A big set back. Never experienced such sadness. I believed the rest of the year would have been doomed by that, but thankfully it didn't.

I should thank my lucky stars, because what was about to happen in my life, was more than I had bargained for. By then, I truly understood what "when a door closes, another one opens" came to mean.

By february I had met someone completely unexpected, and it was so damn sweet. It was supposed to be a casual thing, but it turned out to be something that came to mean more to me than I ever had predicted. Unfortunately, during those spring months, in the middle of emotionally charged circumstances, that too, brought too many feelings and complications to the table. I wish I could have been more honest, more open, but I felt limited to do so. Nobody ever limits me, but this time I wasn't able to keep control of the situation..

I found a great couple of people who I have come to love. I could not have gone through with that turbulent period without you guys. You were my angels, even though I didn't take your advice (!!!) We surely built a great gang of people, even though we are very different from eachother. I am truly lucky.

All in all, a great student term in Uppsala. Probably the best one I will ever have. A good thing like that doesn't come knocking on your door twice.

As the term came to it's end, a great sadness began to take over. We knew the Erasmus people who we grew close to, were leaving for good. Our little bubble was about to dissolve.

Our farewell dinner on the roof of our building, watching the sunset, signing t-shirts, just looking at eachother, without the need of words, as tears would roll down my face as I tried to get ready for our very last Värmlands party. That was one great night, but the atmosphere was as cheerful as a funeral's. Or the magical evening then...when we biked home in the soaking rain, back from Snerikes. So many, memories. So many laughs. I was living the mexican soap opera. So many funny incidents. I should write a memoir.

Those last days were the sadest days of 2007. I didn't want to say goodbye. Nobody did.

The upcoming term was to be another challenge. I was a mess. I tried channeling my attention towards studies and work. It wasn't very succesful, although I did pretty well in school and my boss really liked me. But personally, I was empty. I had moved back to Stockholm for 6 months in order to save up on some money. Financially great, emotionally.. not so very.

So many farewells. First Chris, then Laurent...followed by Andrew. I hope we don't lose contact...

Coming August, my sister was about to move back to Brazil. She had met this guy (let's call him Pickle!) who I grew to like a lot, and he sure did pass the little sister approval. Eller hur?!!!! :P

Although I wasnt all that excited about the fact that she was leaving the country in order to be with him, and leave the little sister here, I was very happy for her. I knew how much she "needed" this, and she found it.

My big sister and I always shared a room, never spent any Christmas apart - nor birthdays.
We did everything together, we finished eachother sentences, we knew eachothers thoughts, we laughed at the most lame and ridiculous things. People would call us "naturally drunk". Big sizzle, little sizzle. How would life be without eachother?
By saying farewell to her in August was a very painful situation. Sitting with mom looking at her airplane lift was horrible, just horrible. However I knew she had to take that chance.....and it was absoFUCKINGlutely right of her to take that leap, that leap most people looked down upon.

Being without my sister came to be arduous but enriching. I had to find security in myself alone, find my roll as myself, and not the little sister who leans on her big sister for advice and security.
I'm still learning...but siz, I don't want us to be apart forever, let's not follow the family trend. Life is so lame without you!!! There is so much I want to share with you..Plus, nobody gets my jokes! Only you get them..lama lama duck!
Everyone telling me " this is good for the both of you", but It's so hard...I'm still learning to live without you close. But i still carry you around with me, don't forget that, siz...

Looking back, the first half year was the best part of this year, hands down. The other half was more of a retreating, recharging the batteries, stepping out of that bubble - which was wonderful, but too intense. I guess it couldn't have lasted more than it did. Good things are always short-lived. I would have been a wreck otherwise.


[

This space was supposed to be yours.

]

It's been a bittersweet 2007. Some people whom I've met will never really know how much they mean to me, and how much I really do care for them. I always will. Some, I wish I got to know better, or express my true feelings for. But that's life, isn't it?

1 regreat this year. I learnt my lessons now, maybe too late, but I did. I guess that that does count as something.

I will miss 2007, but 2008 carries new possibilities. The continuation of our lifelong path. The non-stop personal growth and learning, which never ends. I will for sure do absurd things, either immoral, illegal or just plain stupid. But this time, I'll have a stronger armour. I know what I want, and I know who I want to be. I just hope I'll come to find some peace of mind, and another bunch of wonderful people who I can create memories with... But this time, with less drama. Let's see what my year abroad in France will bring..

I'm hopeful and excited about the year to come. I hope you are too.

With love,

gitx

Réveillon

Mes amis...!!!!


Réveillon du Jour de l'An / CARLTON BEACH , Lundi 31 décembre 2007 de 21h A 5h !!
Avec La Maronaise, Philippe CORTI, L'équipe des Nocturnes du Beach Soccer...
2 salles, 2 ambiances, 60 euros avec 1 bouteille de champagne pour 4 personnes.
1 salle année 80 / Disco et 1 salle House.
Renseignements : 0491 727.939. / charles@mk3.fr



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"Passion is a force so potent that it lasts long after it’s gone."

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I+I, I-I
...

It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. One more, one less. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses..


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Brilliant Eddie Izzard!

GEMINI - The Twin

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Gemini's will not take any crap from anyone. Gemini's like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Gemini's can be very sarcastic and childish at times, and are very nosey.
Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

Right on, I must say!!!

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Serre moi - Tryo

Newton Faulkner - Teardrop

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New Years Marseille!!

pour fInir cette belle Année 2007, toute l'equipe des Nocturnes du Beach Soccer et de la Maronaise vous attendent pour un évènement surprise dans un lieu exceptionnel mais pour le moment on vous en dit pas plus...

MK3 BOUGE Marseille pour VOUS !!

M3 REUNION IS ON!

It's official! I am proudly announcing that Andrew and I bought our tickets to Marseille for our New Years vacation. I just had to make a blog post on that one, given the fact that we are all terrible planners.. :)
The reunion is on! We are off to visit Lolo from the 30th of December till the 9th of January in Aix.

Olalaaaaaaa, crazy adventures in France awaits us......

Until then, on wednesday I'm off to England to visit Andrew in crazy uni town of Kent...

XOXO,

gitx

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Proudly presenting...Château Flogsta..OLALA!!

After countless generations of perfecting our wines the Château Flogsta© family has just begun their latest conception of boutique and splendorous wines. The family is proud to assure our beloved friends and students that our latest conception of fine wines is expected to exceed the high quality usually maintained. The climate and environmental bacterial lifeforms in Russell's bathroom has flourished over the summer which has laid the foundation for the upcoming wine production season.

We hope you enjoy the Château Flogsta© wine experience this semester.

With love,
De Lambert, Schmalensee and Stubbs.

Where's the gitx been?!

Ya. I haven't been inspired to blog in a long time. I disappeared for about 3-4 weeks. During that time I must upset you all and let you know that nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Not even a small mexican soap opera to tell you.(not completely true, but it's way too private and complicated for a public blog). I have been working and studying and camping in Uppsala (Flogsta of course) :) & I also went down to southern France for a week. Oh mon Dieu!

I apologize for either being unsocial, idle, weird & so on. Things have been anything but easy.

C'est ca..voyez-vous!!!

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2/3 of the musketeer crew

Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Saudades..

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Siz, I totally miss you.. :(

Siz, i totally miss you
I really fucking miss you
I'm all alone,
All the time, all the time

Siz, i totally miss you
The things we did together
Where have you gone?

Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing we do

Siz i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Siz, i totally miss you
All the time


Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing we do

Siz, i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Siz, i totally miss you
All the time

Breaking through life's cataclysms

Earlier today I was reading a friend's blog (http://blog.johanchristherschutz.net/), and came across this one specific post he wrote, which felt so familiar to me & to my own experiences, I wish I had written it myself. At some point in life, you have or will go through this following experience. The post is simple, painful, true & above all, very honest.

Here is a part of it:

"I believe that some things are meant to be. or - when I think about it - actually all things! we learn something from everyone we meet and all the experiences we have. every person leaves a mark in you, may it be tiny or infinitively large. the size of the mark is simply a blueprint of the person's importance to your heart.

But letting other people affect us also means we have to open our hearts for the experience, and for the possibility to change. Many people are afraid of that because opening your heart and letting someone in also means a risk to get hurt. But life is full of people we must meet and part from, some leave us unaffected and others..... change us forever.....


So.... what's the meaning with all this? why do we meet people if they're going anyway? maybe because it's all part of the teaching plan. there's something in it for us to learn. sometimes it takes 10 years before we understand what, then suddenly one day you see it in a different perspective, and ask yourself how you could have missed to see it earlier!"/J.C Schutz

"Because life only gives itself to the one who gives himself. To the one who loved, to the one who cried, to the one who suffered." Vinícius de Moraes

I find this post comforting. It carries hope and a certain easiness for the heart. There is no point in questioning things we can't control nor understand. These experiences are one of life's cataclysms..

As I commonly say : Everything in its right time, everything in its right place... Que será, será. Never fails.


'Nuff said.

New beginnings

During these young adult years, I count my years in university terms. My current reality is made up of homework, lectures, study stress (only realizing it now...), and yes..thinking in matter of "terms".
Every term is a new beginning. For me, this term to come, is one of those big beginnings. Saying goodbye to my past term, which came to mean so much to me. A lot of partying of course, living in a wonderful bubble of friends and good times with the people I met. So important to me....all of you. I am welcoming the new term to come with a half shy smile. I am positive, yet I know somehow that things wont be the same as before.

Everything in its right time, everything in its right place..

Becca @)-,--'-'--

She is my mirror, shining back at me with a world of possibilities. She is my witness, who sees me at my worst and best, and loves me anyway. She is my partner in crime, my midnight companion, someone who knows when I am smiling, even in the dark. She is my teacher, my shield, and even my shrink..

But above all she is my sister and best friend.

Brazil - São Paulo 070813 - ??

Good VS Evil

During the first half of this year I have at times, encountered myself in a battle with my good and my bad side. I have never done anything bad out of selfishness, til I put myself in situations where my morals were put to the test. And failed. The worse part is that I knew exactly what I was doing, although I felt an enormous guilt and bad karma building up.


The interesing thing is that I realized how complex human behaviour is. And although we are of the same species, some traits do differ. Some people live by their morals and never act out of selfishness, when others act in a complete opposite way. I stood in between. I realized that even good people can act out on shady behaviour. I am not in any way implying that that is an excuse! It is obviously wrong to hurt other people's feelings in order to get our own satisfaction.

On the other hand, I have a hard time believing people are either good or bad. Human nature depicts the complete opposite. Our primarily drive is to be selfish.
I myself know that I am a social animal with different levels of weaknesses and strengths.

Is acting upon our own selfishness in certain situations a lack of character, or is it possible that the very behaviour can be explained by psychology or even biology? How much does environment and genetics play a part in our behaviour?
Somehow, "lack of character" doesn't satisfy me as an answer..

I think that what differs us from eachother is that some of us are more prone than others to control ourselves in doing things we know are wrong. But why is that? I honestly don't understand where all of that impulse of mine came from. I know I am usually very rational, but honestly, some people simply bring that side of us out.
Although we do have morals, we are still animals. Intelligent, but nonetheless animals. We tend to forget that sometimes.

On another note, Freud argued that Man is not responsible for his actions. He is a victim of other people in society. He battles the past and hurtful experiences in childhood.

Skinner believed that Man is just an animal. He is conditioned to act the way he does. He is a product of his environment and not responsible for his behavior.

And lastly, Carl Rogers believed that Man is not a sinner, he is essentially good, he has all the resources he needs within himself to solve his own problems.

It beats me...!

Ps I think I have been missunderstood by my post. The theories above have merely been mentioned to describe the different approaches there are to defining the good and the bad within people. I personally do not defend any of these theories. Moreover, harmful behaviour is yet to get away with murder.

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FLOGSTA 7:7

It's done. After 2 years and a half I have left Flogsta. I admit I shed a tear the morning I left. The room was empty and It echoed. Memories, memories.... So wrong to leave somehow!
A new chapter begins.. I'm sad, yet excited about what's to come ahead.

Careful with the evil elevator of Flogsta..

This video is for the brazilian public! A brazilian woman trying to say www.youtube.com.br. Hahahahah, I love brazilians trying to speak english..ADORABLE!

vlado vlado vlado iu tubi ponto conto!

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Being John Malkovich

I am a big fan of John Malkovich, so when i stumbled upon this story I felt like I had to post it. So here it goes:

"On the way back from an assignment i saw some "outside paparazzi" happily papping, as it were, Leslie Bibb. Who's Leslie Bibb? exactly.

So ... the outside people are nice for the most part. They don't fuck with me. Had a cigarette with a couple of them.

In the midst of the smoke they took off and started papping the fuck out of some dude. I had no idea who it was.

Anyway ... since this dude was walking in the direction of "wireimage camp central," i decided to follow him. I walked up to him -- holding my leica -- and said, "I know you hate motherfuckers like me."

"What kind of motherfucker are you?"

It was mr. Malkovich. To this date i had no b/w on him so i asked, "May i make a frame?" He stopped. He grinned. I made a frame.

he said, "you can make another." - To which i replied, "i only needed one." At this point he said, "i really appreciate the way you approached me, what's your name?"

We then walked down main street and talked about films and cameras, and he asked where he can see my work. 'Twas really fucking cool.

leica mp. 75/2.0 APO-Summicron ASPH. 1/30th at f/2.8. ilford delta 400 (plus +1 at 800)

NOPE ... NOT A DIGITAL IMAGE."

Today I spent the day packing up in my room in Flogsta*snif snif*, and so far this is how it looks (from a crappy quality webcam)...





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Metade

Metade

Oswaldo Montenegro

Que a força do medo que tenho não me impeça de ver o que anseio.
Que a morte de tudo em que acredito não me tape os ouvidos e a boca.

Pois metade de mim é o que eu grito mas a outra metade é silêncio.
Porque metade de mim é partida mas a outra metade é saudade.

Que essa minha vontade de ir embora se transforme na calma e na paz que eu mereço. Que essa tensão que me corrói por dentro seja um dia recompensada.

Porque metade de mim é o que penso e a outra metade um vulcão.

Que o medo da solidão se afaste que o convívio comigo mesmo se torne ao menos suportável .Que o espelho reflita em meu rosto um doce sorriso
que me lembro ter dado na infância.

Porque metade de mim é a lembrança do que fui e a outra metade não sei.

Que não seja preciso mais que uma simples alegria pra me fazer aquietar o espírito e que o teu silêncio me fale cada vez mais.

E que a minha loucura seja perdoada porque metade de mim é amor e a outra metade também...

One moment

Did you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lifes or if the moments in our lifes make us? If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an intirely diferent path or would you choose one thing?

Just one moment. One moment that you always wanted back...

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Bloc Party - Waiting for the 7.18

Magical..

Give me moments
Just give me moments
Not hours or days
Just give me moments

If I could do it again
I'd make more mistakes
I'd not be so scared of falling

Just give me moments...

Home is where the heart is

Flogsta live @ 3:30am from my room

Home is where the heart is. Indeed. For two years and a half, Flogsta has been exactly that for me, but even more so for this last year between 2006-2007.

Now that everybody is gone, everything has changed. Flogsta is empty, lonely and lifeless. Only a few Ten o clock screams here and there. Feels like Flogsta is suffering from an after glow.......The exchange students really are the spirit of this place. I miss them!

It's funny how the people we live with make all the difference to how "homie" places makes us feel. Now that some of the most important people on my life are back in their countries, I suddenly feel homeless. Everything that I knew - the routine, the security & the habits are gone. Thus, making this transition to the new, very hard. A step back into reality? No, every day of these past 10 months have been real. This was not an illusional dream world to me. Far from it.

Sometimes I get small panic & abstinence attacks. What's next? What now?
There is no such thing as a smooth transition. It really does take time to adjust to the new - I am moving away from Flogsta and from everything I know. I will go through different stages of annoyance, irritation, sadness, nostalgi & frustration..until I can embrace the will be's and let go of the has been's.

One thing I am sure of though, this is the right time to move - my friends have gone, so things will never be the same again. It's time to let the new in and embrace the new experiences. Nothing will ever beat this past year. Actually, not even close. But that's life.....

Now it's soon time to say my farewells. I am homeless now, but I know it's only temporary. Soon I will be back on track, but I do need this time to mourn and celebrate all that has happened during these last crazy, unstable, wonderful, complicated, eventful 10 months.

Moving back home for a few months, studying in Stockholm, finding an apartment in Uppsala..So many plans. But plans, they always change, and that's the beauty of life - it never turns out the way we expect it to be. And that is what keeps life overwhelmingly exciting.



I've been blessed with a wave of luck this year. Life-changing situations, personal growth, I met wonderful people, made friends for life (a great group indeed), I felt love of different sorts and so on.. On the other hand, I've hurt people I cared for, I did things I never imagined I'd do, got myself into awkward situations, felt strange sorts of jealousy, but I learnt...a lot. And I still have a smile on my face.


Flogsta, you will be missed, but specially my friends, who made this place feel like home.

I wish we had one more year together....but I'll be back - with Jojo, Lolo, Josy & Dani from the group... And to the rest of our exchange friends - you're always welcome back to visit us! =)

ps Lolo, it's you and me this fall...31st of August is the nation premiere! I am longing so much! You know what that means.... you and me and lotsa bottles of white wine and champagne, mon chérie!!!!! (AJ please come too if you can!!) And everybody else of course....!



Letting go of the rainbow, little by little...(but just a little)

You can take the girl away from Uppsala, but you can't take Uppsala away from the girl!

SAUDADES!

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"Oh long John..Why I eyes ya...?"

Pure poetry....I tell ya!

This song will always carry a special meaning

"Open Your Eyes"

All this feels strange and
untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin
feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in
my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open
your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll
open your eyes

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your
fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

All this feels strange and
untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

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"Wonderwall by Ryan Adams" - cover
Beautiful.

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

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Mes chéris

Missing my main crew like crazy. I miss the daily fika, the occasional film, the late nights after the nations, the msn sessions, the drunk moments, the cooking together & the closeness.

It's amazing how certain people become so important to us in such a short period of time. I can't wait to meet all of them in France this summer. It's going to be awesome, and very nostalgic. I am counting the days..

I LOVE YOU!!!

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Through the haze

[Warning: This late night blabber may not make any sense to a number of readers. You've been warned.]

Emotional short circuit. Familiar, yet it brings me an uneasiness I can't quite describe. An uneasiness which reminds me that when it happens, I have to step back and think things over, digest, recharge, re-think - Time-out...

God, that word haunts me. Time-out. It has been present in my life in the past, but in a total different situation, which wasn't necesseraly handled with the most grace I've presenced. So let me tell you how to handle a "time-out", without the drama & the freak out, the best way I can.

Don't we all have those moments, when we are put in the spotlight, when we have to listen to our so called gut feeling, the moment we have to take action, where we have to try to maintain a sort of stability in the instability itself. However, the only reaction we can get out are those pathetic little sounds and movements the mouth is trying to shape, making us sound like complete retards but nothing, nothing comes out. No words, no nothing which can lead us forward. Paralysis kicks in.

Emotional short circuit.

This very occurrence has taught me that it doesn't necessarily have to carry a negative tone. The very contrary, it means that in the very moment when we become emotionally handicapped, that is when every sound we tried to evoke begins to shape into logical words. Maybe not right away, but the very action of stepping back and re-evaluating a situation means that everything that we are & our beliefs is put to the test. That is when personal growth comes into the picture - when we know exactly what to do about a certain situation. Because let's be honest, we are only human.
And it may be terribly selfish to step back and let the other person hang on every word we say, awaiting for a reaction, awaiting for a sign. Through pain comes growth. By doing things in it's right time and place, is the only ultimate solution, if you don't want to regreat your decisions.

OBS! As long as you DO NOT step all over the other person's hearts, walking away with silence thinking that that is an appropriate and satisfactory answer in itself, (because you know yourself you wouldn't want someone to treat you the very same way, now would you?)

Many people decide in the heat of a moment - during a fight, during that evening they listened to that terribly depressive song which made them write that overly dramatic letter which they regreated the minute they pressed "send", or by those moments where people simply give up without thinking it through, because of pride, fear of stepping out of their secure bubble of the familiar, insecurity - you name it. In the end, we are all people coming from different places. We are all mysterious to eachother, in the end of the day. We will never quite grasp the very essence of the other's soul. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a game, where the rolling dice decide our so called "destiny". There is only so much we can control.

I know where I stand, I know my morals and capabilities and I do know myself enough. But sometimes, when we are put in unfamiliar situations, all is questioned. Over and over and over again. Story of our lives, isn't it?

My very essence is untouched. I do have my own philosophy, just like you. I am a good person with good intentions, but I do know I am not flawless and that I may be wrong in my way of handling things. I know that very well.

Sometimes the philosophy we carry with ourselves has to be prepared and flexible for unexpected change. It's the only way to apply it to the life that is happening right in front of us (if you want to make sense of things). If you can't make it flexible and challenge it constantly, if you can't accept that sometimes your very philosophy may not be flawless and perfect, THEN! you missed out on the whole point..

However, sometimes I can't apply it to real life. Maybe because I wasn't in the right state of mind, maybe because I wasn't present enough in the first place in order to take action, or maybe because it wasn't the right person in the first place. I need to be fully present (and i don't mean physically), in order to live up to my philosophy - to take risks, go out of my own way for another person, regreat nothing, challenge, live and love to the point of ridiculousness.....

With the right person, I can be the best I'll ever be. If that person let's my heart express itself, I can make the impossible possible, and I can move out of my way to make it work - wether they live close or far, wether they are scared..and so much more I couldn't possibly put into words. With the right person, I can express myself, i am no longer limited. I see no obstacles, and I'd do everything in my power to make it work, no matter how difficult it would turn out to be, because I strongly believe that people in general give in before trying, settling for the safe choice and just letting things fade into the past, as memories, without letting it possibly become a hell of an experience. Cuz we never know...we never know how it could have turned out, if we had risked a little more..

Right now, I need to step back and recharge my batteries, in order to know what to do next. I need my gut feeling to work, and the only way it will ever make itself heard, is to give it some time, by stepping out of the fog, and into perspectiveness.

I am far from perfect, but seldom do I give in that fast without putting up a fight. Let us just see that there is enough there to fight for, otherwise...what is the point, if not chase those moments we longingly strive for, and more importantly, for the right person? If they are the right ones our hearts are aiming for, time will tell.

I do know how far I can go for someone, I do know my limits, but I'd rather see possibilities instead. I ask "why not?" instead of "why?"

On the other hand, we have to accept that, even though we may listen to our gut feeling, it all comes down to the choices we have to make. We will never really know if it was 100% the right decision. We just hope that when a door closes, another one opens - and that is exactly the beauty this life has to give us. Things always turn out differently from what we initially expected. We really dont have complete control of our future. Isn't it ironic. It may be a "role the dice" game, afterall. Maybe it does come down to that.

What will be will be, and hopefully we don't regreat, hopefully we don't become bitter. Hopefully we look back at the experience and say: At least I lived, at least I tried and got moments to remember when I'm old and cranky. But above all, that I tried my best with what I had, at that very moment in my life - wether it was a failure, or a success story. Such is life.

I don't believe that hearts break - we underestimate it far too much! I believe they are temporarely under shortcircuit. If there is one thing I know for sure, is that it may be a very fragile "organ", but It has more healing powers than we are aware of. It can always mend, you just have to put your faith in it. I am a living proof of that. I am not broken, simply undergoing a highly necessary technical maintenance - As we all presence a few times in our lifetime. It's unavoidable.

With love,

Miss heart-under-construction, in order to improve future service.

"It's just the currents of life changing direction again..."

ps Highly pretentious post, but life is pretentious sometimes. And you know what? Sometimes pretension makes sense, because during those rare times, it does reflect life exactly as it is.Over and out!



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