HOW I WISH I COULD SURRENDER MY SOUL..

In the midst of the doubt, the question mark, the unknown, the insecurity, I have found exactly that - security in the insecurity. For now.

Isn't that ironic? I have become partially imune to all of the things in my relationship which have been haunting me. Maybe it is a sort of defense mechanism which has kicked in?

I haven't made peace with the problems, but I have accepted the fact that it won't leave any time soon, and I couldn't possibly force things to occur unaturally.

Things will take its course, but I know much hangs on the will of both.

Another reason to why I have calmed down a bit is thanks to a friend who has opened my eyes, I thank you so much for that man - (you know who you are).

Sometimes I doubt my very own thoughts, as if I can't rely on my very own judgement. That is awful, I know.

He told me everything I wanted to hear, and it gave me hope. I saw a rare shade of light.

We discussed how relationships should work.

Let us take for example:

A couple who is going through a crisis and aren't sure they should stay together because the very reason to why they are in a crisis is because their differences have come foward in such a strong manner that it feels overwhelming to deal with it.

What should they do?

And that is when the magical answer saved my soul that day I heard him say the following words:

"Couples will always find problems and go through crisis. We will always find something that annoys us about the other and so on. You name it. Most of the time couples give up because they don't have the energy to put an effort in the relationship because it feels hopeless. Thus, better to close that chapter of their lives and move on and find someone more compatible.

But that's exactly it. It is a known fact that there will always be someone elses who are nicer, prettier, smarter, more alike us, more challening, more this and that, less fuss...And life would probably be more carefree, no doubt. But don't forget, If we really love someone, we accept the differences, we accept that it's going to be tough to deal with the differences and all the crisis to come, but we love these people, and that feeling is the only logic in this puzzle - when we chose to give up and find someone more compatible. Love can work in what we called "doomed relationships". There are couples out there who fight like cats and dogs and have dragon tempers, but who do love eachother with every drop of blood in their veins - and that we can't deny. That is all that matters. The love. No matter how different we are - what the hell!!

You are to find someone who shares that view with you. If that person doesn't, then you know, they aren't fighters, and they probably let love down, thinking if they give up and find someone more compatible, was the smartest thing to do, even if they would have it easier with their following partner, but who cares? It is giving up on who you love, and that is a great waste you will carry in your memory throughout your life...."

I breathed, and it all made sense to me, what I knew all along..wasn't a dreamers wish...

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