Say cheeeeese!!!

The man, the myth, the legend..the cheese! Yes fellow readers - The man who gave a whole new meaning to "cheese" (and who is so far the only one worthy of that title) is comemorating his birthday today!!
So..a fierce -double -ferosh -with -kinder egg- on -top-birthday to my very important brother in law aka VIBIL.

June is just around the corner & I can't hardly wait with popping them champagne corks with the sizzle and the pickle...aaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!



:)

This is for you, miss "Happy" :)

Traveling through the darkness, she stumbles upon a glimpse of light. A glimpse of her humanity, a glimpse of hope, yet it crumbles in her hands, like a clump of dirt. She searches, again, looking, desperately seeking. She finds a bright light, but within she sees a swirl of darkness, corrupting, confusing, manipulating. She denies it...it scorns her, and laughs in its face. She stumbles forward, falling to her knees, and there she finds her salvation, but it is not a God, it is not a code, it is herself. Standing before her, reaching down to pick herself up off the ground. She is her own salvation, and within herself, she shall find the strength to carry on.

The greatest changes in life, starts with you...

Reaching out to you..

Tumultuous mind of mine. When do you ever rest? I wish I could remove you from my head, place you on the table and ask: What's the deal with you?



Things have changed, cheeses have gone bad, hearts got turned down - again, and again..and again. Unbelievable, really. On the other hand, the past sweetly treaded back into my life. Unexpectedly.

You came back and it filled my heart with warmth and light. We have made peace, and all the bad feelings are gone. We got our closure. Yet, it's painful not to be close to you. It's an undescribable physical pain.

Funny how time changes our perception of things, and all of these thoughts and feelings I am getting surprise me. It overwhelms me.

You stirred my mind a little, and the heart too. I have missed you, man, and I love you. Genuinely. Think I always will. Funny how some things never go away. Our former relationship is timeless, and although it's hard to master a friendship with a former love, I still want to work it out. It's arduous and more complex than quantum physics, but it's possible.

We will open our hearts and share our lives with others, but I know deep down that I'll carry you with me wherever I go, in any given period of my life.
You are the magnet of my life.



I'm not sure how healthy our newly established contact is, but we will figure it out along the way...For now, I'm enjoying this peace you have given me, it helps in hard times like these.....

I just hope that all these decisions we have made, and futurely will, are the right ones.

Lastly, expect me to be jealous, disagree, give you silent treatments and "all that jazz", but you know that my heart is in the right place.......don't you?


We will meet again...Irreplaceable heart of mine.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back...

Dead butterflies can't fly..

When cheese goes bad..



“Boa Sorte / Good Luck”
Vanessa da Mata & Ben Harper

É só isso
Não tem mais jeito
Acabou, boa sorte

Não tenho o que dizer
São só palavras
E o que eu sinto
Não mudará

Tudo o que quer me dar
É demais
É pesado
Não há paz

Tudo o que quer de mim
Irreais
Expectativas
Desleais

That’s it
There is no way
It over, Good luck

I have nothing left to say
It’s only words
And what I feel
Won’t change

Tudo o que quer me dar / Everything you want to give me
É demais / It´s too much
É pesado/ It’s heavy
Não há paz / There is no peace

Tudo o que quer de mim / All you want from me
Irreais / Isn´t real
Expectativas / Expectations
Desleais

Mesmo, se segure
Quero que se cure
Dessa pessoa
Que o aconselha

Há um desencontro
Veja por esse ponto
Há tantas pessoas especiais

Now even if you hold yourself
I want you to get cured
From this person
Who poisoned you

There is a disconnection
See through this point of view
There are so many special people in the world
So many special people in the world
In the world
All you want
All you want

Tudo o que quer me dar / Everything you want to give me
É demais / It´s too much
É pesado / It’s heavy
Não há paz / There is no peace

Tudo o que quer de mim / All you want from me
Irreais/ Isn’t real
Expectativas / Expectations
Desleais

Now were Falling into the night
Um bom encontro é de dois

Life is pretty good. This is the conclusion I have come up with for how things have been lately. Sometimes we forget to sit back and take in the moment - in the middle of all the chaos.
I have been feeling calmer and definetly more harmonious compared to a few months ago.

Slowly, I have been creating a small circle of good friends and becoming more active in my social life. Yet...i feel like something is missing. When things finally begin to fit into their place, i'm yet to be content with the outcome. Maybe I am designed to feel slightly dissatisfied?

When things finally begin to settle, why should I start complaining? This could probably be a reflex of my critical and stubborn character.
And even though that may be an explanation, i STILL have that nagging feeling inside.
Life is so much sweeter when shared with a loved one. Things just make more sense. A partner who knows you without the need of an exchange of words, but just enough through looks & gestures.

Let me rephrase the former statement: Life is so much sweeter when shared with loved ones - Not only romantically @)-.'--.'--- - but including my sister Rebecca, Andrew & Maíra. You are the ones I miss the most, everyday. I guess It is something I have to live with.. It never really gets easy, does it? I carry you in my heart everyday, please don't forget that.

I have only been single for about 3 or 4 months, and that is unusual for me. I am aware that going through this phase is a positive change. I'm learning to be my own. Yet, I do miss having someone. Let it be caressing or being sheltered under my love's wings.
The intense fusion of body heat when joined together. Overwhelmingly wonderful and intoxicating. All i want is to be taken cared of, sometimes. I miss all of these small things. One part of my heart smiles to the other one that cries.

Happy in so many ways..yet, wanting so much more.

An old friend came to Sweden to visit me this week and it brought back so many memories. Cherished memories of good yet hectic times. I wish i could have it all......but don't we all yearn for the very same?

On another note, I still have some issues with the past. Sometimes I miss Mowgli, but not in a romantic way. I just miss his company. It's very hard to deal with exes. I still care and I always will. I guess some things have to be left the way they have been left.


I hope life in the near future will be kind to me. Until then, I am living in the now.

Miss you love.

"Happiness only real when shared."

Flap flap according to Wiki

Butterflies in the stomach is a medical condition characterized by the physical sensation of a "fluttery" or "tickling" (hence butterflies) feeling in the stomach. Some believe that this is caused by the release of epinephrine, or adrenaline, when one is nervous, pulling blood away from the stomach and sending it to the muscles. This in turn causes the stomach to temporarily shut down, possibly the reason for loss of appetite when one is "love sick". Butterflies in the stomach is most often experienced prior to important events, when stress is induced, but can be experienced in situations of impending danger.

Ooooh that explains so much !!!!
*flap flap flap!!!!!!*

Benny Lavaaaaa! (this is awsome..)

Hey Future Love,

I didn’t know how to start this letter
Dear, or hello, couldn’t decide which sound better.
I went for the informal because I’m not trying to impress
Try to make it laid back so there’s no need to stress.
I know I don’t know your name—but someday I hope
We’ll meet on the street and no longer be alone.
Sometimes I gaze up at the stars and imagine how it will be—
Where will it happen? Will you just turn and look at me?
Will we discover the meaning of “love at first sight?”
Perhaps it will take one or two nights—
Laying out under the stars and discovering the mysteries
Asking questions that have eluded the minds of many for centuries.
Maybe it will be our laughter that floats in the air—
That makes us turn in the right direction, at that moment, right there.
Our eyes will meet, and it will be just like in a movie
We’ll smile at each other, and you’ll ask me out for a cup of coffee.
Oh the possibilities, they haunt me in my sleep
All the secrets I want to share but for now I keep.
Each poem I write makes me somehow feel closer to you
Based on emotions that I know to be true.
When life gets me down, I look up at the night sky
For a long moment, I’m silent but eventually I’ll sigh—
Someday we’ll meet, and it’ll be like we had never been apart
Because you know when you’ve found the one
That completes your heart.

2008, so far...

Finally settling & leaving 2007 behind. Everything that happened during that year has been filed in my memory. Although to be honest, sometimes, it still insists in lingering around without my permission. I'll miss it, so much...yet I am relieved it's over.

I can say that during 2007, I really lived. Crazy, unstable, wonderful and intense. A year of trial & errors, but mostly errors.
Note to self: "When you lose, don't lose the lesson".

One more year like that, and I'd end up in rehab..Thank God I have 2008 to give me a new beginning..a new hope. I'm on the search, and hopefully I am making the right decisions. Time will tell, and timing is certainly everything.

"Where will I place my future? And the present... which links to my past?"


All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. Isn't that true?

I'm not happy, I'm not sad - I simply am.

Cheese is good.

John Mayer does a remarkably good guitar version of "Lovestoned"/JT

Kick out the jams, Travis Barker!!!!

Begin to hope

Begin to hope and all the colors start to change
Beneath the light you might forget that the world's so sad
You might forget that things are awfully bad
And it's alright if you eat all the apples from the Knowledge Tree bowl
The fact that they're plastic shouldn't deter you at all
Just grab your Sharpie and write your message on the wall

Yeah, I was here, I was here..

I'm sorry, Alfie...

How do I even start... I'm sorry.

Yeah, that doesn't sound very convincing does it? Sorry is an understatement, and it's a hard thing to say as well. All that pride and fear it carries. Nobody wants to be put on the spotlight. Nobody wants to admit their faults. It isn't the most flattering either.

I'm sorry for neglecting your attempts. I'm sorry for lashing out on you when I had my mood swings. I'm sorry for not appreciating your efforts. I'm sorry for putting you second. I'm sorry for saying things I didn't mean, in the purpose of momentarely hurting. I'm sorry for not listening to the warning signs...I'm sorry for not opening up completely. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but it's still not enough.

Saying sorry now is too late, I know. I say it still, because I care for you, and I always will. Maybe we weren't meant to stick together in the long-run. However, the moments we had, when they were good, they were awsome. And you know that - we know that. Deep down. There was no superficiality involved.

I know very well that my behaviour drove us to friction. I know very well that that is not something one should do. I am not in any way looking for excuses, all I can really say, "handen på hjärtat", is that I brought you into my life in a time I was clearly not ready to be in a relationship. Given past circumstances, I needed to find that balance I so badly needed. I'm not trying to sound like a victim, nor is this, once again, an excuse to my foul behaviour.

I was selfish, I believed you could bring me stability and happiness. You did. But there is only so much one person can do for the other. I clearly had to deal with these changes alone, but I really wanted you in my life, otherwise I wouldn't have cried so much, asking you to forgive me, during all those times I failed you - over and over. I knew what I was doing. I knew it was wrong. But i still did it - I'm only human. Yes, that's a lame thing to say. It doesn't justify anything. This isn't a competition between you and I.

I'm sorry for insisting. I'm insatiable, stubborn, but I was only really hoping things would even out, but they didn't. I didnät have it in me, as much as I believed i did, as much as I wanted to prove you, all those times you gave me chances. I know...hard to believe.

I have never neglected reality. I knew all along what was going on. I simply didn't want to give up. But now, too many attempts later, we failed. I guess the only way we would have broken up was dramatically, like this. Otherwise I'd have my tantrum, my same old tactics to get you back, only to fail once again.

It's sad, and it honestly p* me off that it ended this way. We didn't say goodbye. We didn't part in peace. We didn't agree. A ridiculous ending to a meaningful relationship, despite all those issues.....Afterall, we connected, we had great discussions, we laughed, we cried. You cried over toast. Still love that one I must admit. Breaks my heart every time I remember that. I don't think I'll ever have a moment like that with anyone, ever again. It's tough.

I know I've been irrational these last weeks. I guess nobody likes being replaced so fast, EVEN if we had agreed on certain things. I can't help how I feel, and I have always been sensitive when it comes to jealousy.

So I ask you, finally, to please understand where I'm coming from, and why I acted the way I did now. I'm protecting myself. I know you're full of good intentions, but you can't be that naiv and expect me to be ok with how everything turned out, and specially not ok in having to accept the kind of friendship you want/wanted to have right now. It has to be on both terms. I'm hurt, because I thought you knew me better.

How on earth could you possibly think everything would be ok weeks after? I need my time, I need my space. This isn't about logic, I've always been driven by my feelings. I'm sure you are not surprised by my reaction?

I don't want to hear all about your hook-ups and love problems. Really. I am your ex-girlfriend, still a friend, but I am not one of your guy friends who you come to, to tell me about your latest catch. Cuz that hurts, and you and I were intimate. I don't want to know who's replaced me, who kissed you in the places you I've kissed, who probably smelled the kinder egg scent too..all those things. I don't need that. I'm sorry if you take that as a punishment, but I have to think about myself now. You know I will lash out and say something I will regreat otherwise.

If this is too much for you to take, I'm sorry again. But I am not like your exes, who can have the kind of friendship you have. I'm me, and Ill remain being myself.

If there is any hope in wanting to keep contact, let's accept our differences, but on both terms.


You matter.

Hard to say these things when Im still bitter and upset. But I know that in the long-term I will be ok. I'm fighting with myself to write this post. Screw pride, I've got nothing to lose.

I needed that goodbye...It will always remain an empty vaccum to me. Like I am incomplete, do you know what I mean?

I have the right to feel this way. Snäll, var inte arg för detta. Jag menar inget illa och jag försöker absolut inte att framstå som en ängel. Konsekvenserna står du och jag för.

You and I, we are good people, just not together.

From your former someone, but hopefully a future friend.


gitx

Aix-en-Provence / January 2008

Happy birthday to my sizzle!!!!

Our bond is like a river that has deepened and rounded the sharp edges of hurt and anger over time. Because we're sisters, I know your heart and you know mine. When the cloud of dysfunction descended over our family as it always did, we whispered secret wishes for bright and shining futures in the dark. Although we shared the same beginnings, our lives have taken different paths. When those paths converge again in the love, laughter and communion that arises from a common past, it is as though we've never been apart. No matter where you are, You will always have my love, Becca.

Happy birthday sizzle, I'll be with you in thought, as I am every day...

From sizzle 2, with love.

Goodbye



As she stands there...
she starts to wonder...
She starts to worry...
She starts to regret...
She never said goodbye..

Never take this word for granted.

Babe I'm gonna leave you - Led Zepellin

A little taste of home, to close the year on a good note!