Et si on arretait de faire de la merde, qu'on reprennait les choses en main , ca serait peut etre mieux ?

Ive heard it before, your diamond words melted in to some ice. And I'm looking for love, not an empty page full of stuff that means nothing but "you've been played" cuz i do not accept any less than someone just as real as fabulous.

Je n'ai pas oublié tes larmes, pas oublié, pas oublié...

Det här är svårt att förklara
kanske inte bara en vanlig låt om min vardag
Toppar och dalar, jag gav dig mitt hjärta
bara rakt ut, hmm det är min dåliga vana
För det blir så ibland, jag vet
det tar tid och jag tror jag vet
Vad vi gjorde för fel, passionerat
men okontrollerat, ha, idioter
Och jag vill bara känna hur det känns
tänka tillbaka bara minnas & vara konsekvent
Våra stunder vi hade, tankar idér
din lukt i din nacke, pussar och skrattar
åt sista gången vi delade en spliff på balkongen
satt uppe på natten

Och jag minns när jag mådde kasst
du sa jag kan dra vårt last
Det kommer funka, måste funka
nånstans där finns vår plats
Det kommer funka, måste funka
nånstans där finns vår plats
Den enda personen som tagit upp min tankekraft
24/7.. Baby —– saudades! som en brasse sagt!
Och jag trodde jag borde va trygg
vi gör det tillsammans och hon har min rygg
Oh shit vad jag älskar dig
trotts att jag knappt visste vad dom orden betydde
Och det vet jag typ inte ens idag
det gick för fort, vi vände blad
från ett sånt förhållande tar det lång tid att tända av
Det bästa sex jag haft i hela mitt liv
jag nästan jag nästan skäms över att säga det högt
ibland så, skippar vi snacket vi bara vet vad vi vill
Det kändes nästan överflödigt och använda rösten, okej

Fyfan vad sjukt att man kan känna sån passion
vi åt och drack & grät och vi skrattade och vi kom ihop
Som bästa vännen som har tagit det till nästa level
där vi bara hoppades men fick se vad som hände!

För hon var bäst, försök & överträffa det Ja
För hon var bäst, försök & överträffa det Ja
För hon var bäst, men kommer aldrig mer tillbaks
För hon, flyger iväg som ett pappersflygplan!

Lilla baby jag kan inte stanna kvar
jag fuckar upp ditt organiserade liv
Jag har rappat in en massa pengar
allt du vill kan du få, men ingen trygg framtid
Jag har packat mina saker,
på väg ut från vår lägenhet nu snart är den din
Skulle bara vilja krypa ner i sängen och säga förlåt för de blev som det blir
För jag kommer som ett yr
Och vinner ditt hjärta men flyr iväg till nästa så fort anar något ansvar!
För jag fattar mycket väl att det är i mina, det såkallade blodet i mina ådror
kommer från min pappa, men tänker starta min familj så fort det går dåligt
Det sociala arvet får rätt igen
och det går utöver min bästa vän
Jag älskar dig, så vi kanske kanske kanske syns igen!

"This time, things will be different and you're gonna see me"

E com o tempo fiquei mais seletiva, aquelas amizades fúteis que eu tinha já não me interessam mais, as músicas ruins não me completam e o amor, o amor só se for real.

You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details____________

"A prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages."

The ugly truth

Lately, I had an epiphany while discussing various issues in the matter of the heart. I can't quite explain it, but it just hit me:

I saw the ugly truth about myself. Maybe I knew it all along, because friends have warned me, yet, I had refused their truth and substituted it with my own - Which was a complete joke.

I have been a deliberate ignorant throughout this entire past 12 months.

That's gotta hurt the ego a little bit........I guess I needed time to objectively see the pattern of my recurring problems. It is hard to realize our own mistakes.

I don't like the new perception of me now, even though it is the cruel truth:

I have been desperate, eager beyond reason, to satisfy my needs. My needs of affection, that is.

I looked everywhere, in any little opportunity, any half-way open door to find a loving heart.

I jumped right into situations that were already doomed for catastrophy, and although I am a risk taker, I have been chasing people for so long now. And what for? What good has it brought but heartbreak, deception, illusions, fake promises and high expectations? That isn't love, that is desperation, loneliness and lack of affection.

Everytime things ended with someone, or never really got a start, I blamed it on the person - and not me. I expected them to behave in a certain way, to live up to their words. And they didn't.

Had I realized that I was expecting too much from them, maybe I wouldn't be a bitter little girl, adding every facebook on the likes of: "I hate assholes", or "I am so tired of selfish guys". Now i realize how silly all of that sounds.

I deleted those facebook groups, and I am no longer bitter (but it still hurts).

I don't blame any of these guys for how they delt with the situation, because the way I searched for love, was all wrong. It wasn't there... How could i have had expected any more from them? On the other hand, what i felt for these guys, were REAL. 100%.

In fact, there was nothing wrong with these guys - they were interesting, sweet and affectionate. They simply didn't want anything serious.

It was what it was, for a short while of fun and someone to temporarely fill the void inside my bed, maybe even my heart..... ( i told you, i went too far. )

I have to confess though, that even if things are not supposed to be more than a little adventure, I strongly believe in good manners and consideration of others feelings.

The least people can do is to end things in a civilized manner, and honesty above all. But no, that's not how the real world works. In the end, we have to be satisfied with the insulting silence and the few cold words left behind, echoing in our minds...

The conclusion? I am not running after anyone, anymore. I am not going to pretend it is something it is not. I am done running. It's been 12 months of disappointments - with myself.

From now on, I will quit running after. Wether it is superficial or not, it does not matter. I have tried too hard and far too long to be a good girl. But why? And for who do i need to prove this anyway? No one...If someone does not give me a good enough reason, I do not need to justify what I am doing under my sheets....

Until something real, preferably not involving any running after (!!!), comes along...I will enjoy the temporary adventures, for exactly what they are. Nothing more, nothing less.

I say what I MEAN and I Do what I FEEL....But have been known to put my FOOT in my MOUTH and REGRETED some of the things I've DONE........

ps more posts on this subject to follow.

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

I think i got it!

Happiness is something every human being wants to achieve but not always does.

It is such a suttle feeling many do not attain in life.

I am more and more conviced it has become so as we have predetermined ideas of what happiness is supposed to be. Then reality comes along, and disappoints us.

In my opinion, happiness is achieved when we have learnt to live and accept the imperfections of life. That in fact, there is no such thing as PERFECTION.

If you quit your idea of "happiness", where you have a criteria for everything, such as 1. how you want your life to be 2. what kind of girl you want to marry 3. where you will want to live..and INSTEAD, accept that you may not marry the girl you thought you'd marry (but whom you still love of course), did not end up in the city you thought you would and just live without a CRITERIA for everything? What about letting things develop naturally?

Isn't happiness being in peace and accepting that you will not always get EXACTLY what you want, that the world is NOT perfect, that PERFECTION is an utopia created by men, just to make them even more miserable?

I find disappointments and unexpected situations important too. I have accepted that they will appear in my life and mess all my future plans, that i will never get rid of it. But if i accept them as a part of life, that there is no way I can shape my future according to MY CRITERIAS exactly of how i want it to be, maybe I will be happy and let life show me new paths and new ways of thinking.

Yes, we decide our own fate but we can't be overly paranoid and expect that we will get everything we want exactly the way we want them to be.

For all i know, I might not move to Barcelona. I may find a better school in Madagascar and get married before i turn 30, in a Las Vegas 20dollar chapel,dressed as Elvis Presley.

Not in my plans. AT ALL. But absurd? Absolutely not.

What is it with people who initiate something and do not follow through? What is it with people who do not go all the way, but only 30, 40 or 50% of the way half-heartedly and then suddenly stop and go backwards? What is the point in initiating something if you cannot handle it in the first place?

What is the point?

The only certain thing in life is that we will eventually die, so why do people go on and on about having to protect their hearts or themselves in general? Protect? Really, what from? Because as far as I know, the worse enemy is yourself. Your mind will play tricks on you and tell you to give up because it is too hard and too painful. However, the truth is that your are stronger than you think. Trust me on this one, because I have been to hell, and back. (Not once, but twice.)

Look at me, I am still here. Open heart, putting myself into dangerous situations. I do it because i do not know HOW NOT to do it. All i know is that i simply need to.

Look, it is pretty simple. If you are actually going to LIVE your life, and not let it live YOU, you are going to have to experience EVERYTHING TO 100%, not 30, 40..or 50% .

So go ahead, put your hand in the fire, risk a little. It is the only way to experience. Go all the way, burn. It will show you that you are alive. It does not matter if you may get hurt, because you might just. But, so what?

Feel everything - Feel happiness, feel fear, feel excruciating pain, just feel and open your eyes to what is in front of you.

Wake up, before it is too late.

Because your faith has to be greater than your fear.

J'ai voyagé, jai rencontré des gens, jai eu des bons et mauvais souvenirs mais bordel qu'es que je me sens vivante........

On another note (and much brighter!)

The wives managed to squeeze in a REUNION down south of France! For the ones who don't know, my wifey i.e Louise, was one of the first persons I met when I moved to Aix back in 2008. We litteraly lived in eachothers pockets, and experienced so much together that it's barely impossible to express it into words.

We had our disagreements, our fights, and even took a distance for over a year. Now, 18 months later, we meet again. And may I say, it was great. Nervewrecking, but great!

I love my wife, there is nobody quite like you, Lou..

I miss us, and our crazy times.

Damn, we were INSANE together. Probably not the healthiest lifestyle though, but those aixperiences were worth it, no doubt.

Part deux

I am not the kind of person who tries to ignore what I feel. Feelings need to get out, be shaped and molded in order to be understood. It is scary and an uneasy feeling to expose your inner most self to someone. I feel like running away every time I have to do that, but if I want someone to see me for who I am - I am here, with open heart.

Unfortunately, most people I have met, live behind fear, and take the easy road out just to avoid the pain. Just remember, happiness always has a price. There is no absolute perfection in life and nothing certainly comes for free. Every time we want something, it will always be followed by some sort of complication, some kind of problem. The difference is to try to see it as a challenge, not as an unfortunate and doomed cause. This is my ideology.

Nothing comes for free without a little fight - and how boring life would be without a bit of challenge!!

It frustrates me that most people I have met, have failed to endure challenges and end up giving up, just like that.

Tired of hearing sweet words and no action. Everything is so romantic and simple in the beginning. When reality comes along and feelings begin to grow, they run away. They all do.............especially the good ones.

Sweet words are easy to say, but where is a strong character when it is needed? Where is the person behind those words? Where did he go?

Si les mots sont la voix du cœur. Ou est ton coeur?

No more wallflower

La peur m'a toujours guidée à ce que je veux. Et parce que je veux, me fais peur.

Souvent c'est la peur qui me prendre par la main et me conduit. La peur me conduit au danger. Et tout ce que j'aime est risqué.

Greece confirmed! (✓)

Uppsala 2008 reunion with my beloved and INSANELY missed malakas @ Greece

♥ August 19-29 ♥

Psiksiii, γάτα is coming!!!!

"Les temps sont durs pour les reveurs."

The process of getting to know someone (romantically speaking) and dealing with the feelings that are developing right in front of you is an art hard to master.

I can honestly say I am not an easy person to deal with when found in such a situation.

I am in constant conflict with logic and feelings. I go left, I go right. I jump into it in a split second, and I run away as fast as I can. All of this, all at once.

No, i am no easy match. In truth, I do not always understand my sudden reactions either.

First and foremost, my main concern is to manage to balance the excess impulse of my nature. Part of me wants to express what I really feel and go for it. The other side of me is less of a Juliet - I can be as brutal as an elephant and become cold towards the person. This usually happens when I realize i've become very consumed by feelings towards them. It is an uneasy feeling when you dont know where you stand with the person you like, and what they really mean to you. This is a common protective-of-self behaviour.

Trying to let go of past ghosts and adopt a healthier attitude towards love is a slow process, but not hopeless. I am trying.

Less Juliet, more Margit.

Now I know why I became so deeply impacted by my former relation:

It is not the fall that killed me. It was the sudden stop.

And there you have it. Loud and clear.

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Right now, it's hard for me to maintain a strong shield against the things that are coming at me..."

Infatuation blinds us..and our past experiences leave scars to remind us of them. Once you heal from the wounds, and somehow try to open your heart again..how do you differ illusion from reality? (its just too easy to fall in familiar traps again, you know?)

Unighted @ Paris Juillet 2009 - I was there!!!!!!!!!!! And the clip below, is my personal favorite moment of that ENTIRE evening. Simply because Armin made it all the better.

As i went to the concert alone, i was lucky to meet random brazilians (!) right in front of me at the bar queue. Oh, la chance :) Hope i will be as lucky this year!

5 months countdown to the next Unighted 2010!

See you there!

Let's make a deal:

I'll lick your wounds, if you lick mine?

Easy, tiger!

* Picture taken by renowned photographer Anne Leibovitz

Even though my blog is aimed to stick to my own personal issues, from time to time I feel the need to vent out on completely incoherent topics.


Today I need to express my somewhat hatred towards media in general. I guess I can blame my media & communication course for introducing me to the bizarre psychology behind consumer behaviour. How much more aware one becomes by in-depth information!

One of our weekly seminars were about the media fuss surrounding the Tiger Woods scandal, as he, in a matter of days, went from glorified hero to well, scum of society - i.e human (after all).

One of the things that creates an uneasy irritation in my core, is the fact that the public can be so hypocritical. One minute they love you and higher you to a glorified thrown, and the other, throw stones at you as if you have deceived a family member in an unthinkable manner.

Why is it that people glorify celebrities? They are human after all. Obviously their lifestyle differs in comparison to ours, but still. No marriage is a constant blissful walk in the park. Nobody is perfect. He just happens to have more temptation begging for attention at every move he makes, compared to us commoners. Plus, even though we aren't famous, we too have committed pretty ugly acts on loved ones. It is simply not broadcasted nor handed to a feast of tasteless media magazines. Hypocrits!

Why can't he simply be seen as what he is: An outstanding prodigy & a sportsman of untangible skills. His personal life shouldn't be expected to be a picture perfect scenario off a Disney flic. Why can't people separate these two? Heck, we all have bones in our closets - wether they are the walk-in million dollar closets out of MTV "Cribs", to the the budget IKEA models.

I can understand the fact that celebrity adoration is due to the need to allow us to switch off from our mundain and less than glamorous routined lifes. I get all that! However, to expect perfection out of a celebrated person is downright outrageous. And don't get me started on the "role model" responsability. No wonder so many famous people can't handle this sort of pressure.

Tiger Woods should be let alone to clean his act up. Treat him as a sportsman, nothing less, nothing more.

Yes, this is an utopian wishful thinking! But one can always wish the media/public to at least, become less hypocritical and go a little easy on the brutal headlines.

Insincere glorification isn't becoming.

"Mon âme conteste
Ma peau proteste
Moi j'rêve de maintenant
Car je suis une enfant
Je tourne le dos au temps
Cheveux et jupe au
vent - Une enfant"

- Carla Bruni

Brazil - blissful days in the sun

<3

Very good article written by a friend. I guess i can relate to this...Altho all so very true; i think its a natural part of the process of being dumped to be mad/dramatic. A momentary state of delusion is part of the emotional detox. So come on, give a girl time to lick her wounds.

"Le guide de la nana larguée : éviter le syndrôme "tous des salops"

Et voila.

Le célibat. Après ces mois, voir années de bonheur avec chouchou/lapin/chéri/loulou, cet ours mal embouché s'est cru permis de quitter votre vie sentimentale, souvent brutalement, parfois avec fracas, plus rarement avec douceur, et trop rarement avec classe.

Là, c'est le drame. Rien ne va plus.

Votre premier réflexe, et aussi le plus mauvais, est de le diaboliser. "Quel connard!" "C'était vraiment le dernier des idiots!" "Pourquoi je me suis laissée avoir!"
Ce discours et cette manière de pensée sera quasi automatique. Si je voulais faire râler, je dirai que c'est parce qu'il est plus facile de blâmer l'autre que de se remettre en question, mais ce n'est pas le sujet.

Première chose à faire donc, arrêter ce mode de pensée nocif. Nocif, car il entretient des émotions négatives, au lieu de les évacuer pour laisser la place à autre chose.
Comment faire?
Tout simplement, rappellez vous que vous ne vous êtes pas faite avoir. Si vous êtes sortie avec ce mec, c'est que vous l'avez voulu. Et comme vous n'êtes pas masochiste (ou alors ce n'est pas le sujet) ce mec devait bien avoir quelque chose. Il vous apportait quelque chose, et cela vous a certainement valu de bons moments, voir de très bons moments. En y repensant, est ce que c'est vraiment juste de le diaboliser comme ça?

Voila. Maintenant que vous avez réalisé que lui jetter la pierre comme ça est stupide, vous allez pouvoir passer à autre chose.
Seulement, Ce sont pricipalement les émotions qui vous gouvernent à ce moment là. Il est probable donc que vous n'ayez pas endigué le feu assez tôt.
Les petits détails sont venus nourrir ce ressentiment mesquin ("a ce moment là, il m'a même pas regardé alors que je disais un truc super important!") et ça y est, ce n'est plus seulement votre ex, mais tout les mecs en général qui sont promus au rang de cons.

Suite à cette rupture, vous irez boire un verre avec votre meilleure copine en vous morfondant, tandis que celle ci vous confortera dans votre délire ou vous racontera diverses histoires qui ne feront que confirmer votre tendance à developper ce que nous allons appeller le syndrome "tous des salops"

-"Mais c'est vrai! pourra m'opposer une jeune fille blessée, j'ai plein d'histoires de mecs qui trompent leur nanas ou qui les larguent méchament dans mon entourrage!"

Et au fond, peut on le nier? Mais les choses ne sont pas aussi simples.
Posez vous cette simple question: n'avez vous aucune histoire de fille qui a trompé son mec ou encore l'a largué un peu salement? Peut être même une de vos copines est dans ce cas? Peut être même vous?
Bien entendu, vous pourrez peut être trouver des excuses à cette fille/cette copine/vous, puisque vous avez connaissance de plus de données, et que l'empathie est présente entre membres du même sexe. Mais que faire alors? Toutes des salopes aussi?

La vrai réponse n'est pas là. La réponse c'est "tous des êtres humains". La vie ne se divise pas entre gentil et méchants. Tout le monde peut être amené à faire quelque chose de mal à un moment ou un autre de sa vie.
Ne devenez pas ces filles blasées qui n'ont que des mots d'invective à la bouche des mecs. Il n'y a rien de moins sexy que ça, à part peut être une moustache bien fournie. Si vous ne pouvez vraiment pas vous retenir, faites le avec dérision, là c'est agréable.

Oubliez toutes ces pensées négatives, et ressourcez vous. Faites ce que vous aimez, programmez votre vie en fonction de vos seules envies et plus en fonction de quelqu'un d'autre. Volez des ailes de la liberté, il sera toujours temps de revenir sur terre quand quelque chose en vaudra la peine."

"Feel this body, its filled with heat. The sensation of what flows from here is incredible and irregular.
If there will ever be someone to tame this beast, it shall be forever bound to its force eternally.
And so its energy goes on with the atitude it came with, and shall never end."  

The past seems to refuse to die in me +

As im about to walk into a past long before he came along, im going with mixed feelings. Masochistic? Or maybe this time, the roles will change. Ready or not, its the territory i badly need to return to. Not sure what ill find there. People from the past, each street a memory...each body, each loving eyes starring back at me...Maybe in that moment ill forget you for a while.

Uncertain of which Gitx will manifest itself. Certainly a more mature version of me....but hungry...hungry as ever.

I smile, i joke..but i cry inside. I really do.
Just write that damn letter, Margit
(How could a + turn into a -?)

Happy 2010!