We are in control - until we are not

Lots of the things we learn throughout life becomes "common knowledge". Therefore, many things that should be obvious and quite simple to us, does take a while to sink in for some of us.

I've lately observed my change in behaviour for the simple fact that I wanted to understand why I was/am feeling the way i was/am.

When I am not put in any strain nor in situations where there is too much emotional charge, I feel much more control over how I feel. I begin to lead myself into a stable, slowly care-free path.

The emotions and irrational behaviour are put behind bars and I can finally breath without feeling any sign of anxiety.

And that's when I feel like I have the control, and that nothing can possibly change my gained harmonious frame of mind.

However. When reality makes itself reminded, resurfacing all of those emotions I couldn't grasp control of, I return to a chaotic state of mind, and all that stability I had built falls apart.

It brings back the unanswered questions, the uneasy sadness, the quicksand feeling and that time is ticking. Worse of all, is that unfortunately, sometimes we can't affect the outcome, and let things be just the way they are. There is only so much we can do about certain things anyway.

Hoping for the best. Or actually, no, not hoping. Hoping only leads to more sadness and expectations, fake expectations that is.

There is only one way of controling chaos, and that is to let it run its course. It is always there for a reason.